Team EGO vs. KaGe and Derecho

Menace 12
Feb. 2, 2004
Writer: Leary

As the cameras returned to the ring, 'Pussy Liquor' by Rob Zombie was playing as Trey Vincent, the WWC World Champion, stood center ring with a microphone. His title belt was strapped around his waist and he was decked out in a ring announcer like tuxedo, complete with a green bow tie.

The bell sounded three times.

'Laaaaaaaadies of all legal consenting age. Welcome, to the WWC MAIN EVENT, of the EVENING. The following will feature one of the greatest tag teams of all time. And it will also feature, ME, Trey Vincent, as the special, guest ring announcer.'

The fans responded with boos.

'Thank you, but please, hold your applause until I’m done.' Trey waited for some more boos to raise in volume and smiled, looking around at each side of the crowd. 'The following tag team contest is scheduled for one victory by Team EGO. Introducing first...'

'We Will Rock You (Remix)' hit and the fans managed to raise their volume of distaste for the stable to a higher level. Sean Studd stepped out first, followed in a couple seconds by EGO Greg Davis, who strutted and posed the entire way down the aisle. Studd, as usual, took a moment to pause along the aisle to pull something out from his tights.

A room key. Studd thrust his pelvis in her direction a couple of times, making her fan herself and scream in orgasmic delight. And just when she thought she couldn’t get any hotter, Studd unleashed the move that makes all the ladies cream.

A *wink*.

'On their way down the aiiiiiisle, introducing first. From Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 265 pounds of pure woman-pleasing flesh. He is a former World Heavyweight Champion and has held more gold than a toilet. Please, ladies, open your legs for the Gregster, the Original Ego, GREG, DAVIS! And his tag team partner. From Long Island, New York. He is 225 pounds of raw hardcore studdliness. He is, the Meaning of Man, The Amazon of Athleticism, the Lover of Ladies, the Creator of Charisma, the DEFINITION of DEVASTATION. The Epitome of Entertainment.' Trey took a deep inhale. 'Aahhh, fughet it. SEAN STUDD! Please welcome, TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM EEEEEEEEEEEEEGOOOOOOOOOO!'

Studd and Davis hopped onto the ropes and raised their arms high in the air as Vincent pointed at both of them, nodding approvingly of his stablemates. Vincent clapped and shook his fist, cheering his boys on. After several seconds of the boys showing off their goods for the ladies in the crowd, their theme song died down.

'Enter Sandman' by Metallica kicked in.

'Jesus Christ, did we hire the Sandman? Ohhhh, riiiiight. Forgot. My bad.'

The crowd gave a mixed reaction, but once Trey stopped talking, the boos were replaced by cheers, especially at the first appearance of the WWC Television Champion, KaGe. He stepped out, eyes focused intently on the three men ahead of him in the ring. He walked down the aisle slowly as Team EGO awaited in the ring, cocky with their numbers advantage. Vincent stepped back to center ring.

'And their opponents. Introducing first. He comes from the second worst city on the planet, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The worst city on the planet, of course, being RIGHT HERE in Cleveland Ohio!' Trey put his thumb up, in a completely opposite Mick Foley cheap pop attempt. He got his cheap heat instead, as the crowd booed the shot. On the floor, KaGe gritted his teeth as he pounded his right fist into his left palm, getting more pissed off by the second at what EGO was pulling during his introduction. He is a high school dropout. He’s the man who will one day very soon drop that TV title to its rightful owner, Sean Studd, please say hello to the Red Nosed Reindeer, KaGe!'

The fans were forced into yet another mixed reaction here. The fans cheered for KaGe while wanting to boo the asshole Trey Vincent for tearing down KaGe. KaGe was smart enough to wait for backup. And that backup tonight was pretty damn impressive. His name?

Derecho.

'Unstable' by Adema hit. The fans blew up in cheers and the entire Team EGO looked around in shock at the response. Derecho charged out from the back. Vincent shrugged and slid to the floor as Davis and Studd backed up, waiting for their opponents to get in and get this fight underway.

It was only a matter of seconds before that happened. The bell sounded and we had ourselves an official match. A match that was underway involving punches being thrown on both sides, without either team giving an inch. KaGe and Studd were locked up, exchanging punches in one corner as Derecho wailed away on Davis in the other corner. But Davis came roaring back on Derecho, trying to take his head off with some ultra-stiff punches.

Keith Clark: It appears as though the WWC Champion Trey Vincent is about to join us.

Michael Mantle: Trey! Welcome aboard, buddy!

Trey Vincent: Well, well, well. Hello dear WWC viewers. Mike, my man, what’s going down?

KC: Studd whips KaGe and Davis whips Derecho and they’re on a collision course, but Derecho slides down and KaGe hops over him and clothesline Davis to the mat. Derecho hits Studd with a spinning side kick.

TV: Awww, what the hell? Come on boys. And don’t bother to acknowledge me, Keith. My feelings aren’t hurt at all, you FUCK!

MM: Apologize to him, Keith!

*THUD*

MM: BWAHAHAHA. Trey just knocked Keith’s headset right off his head.

TV: How dare he disrespect the champ. Aw, c’mon Studd. Get out of that!

MM: Piledriver by Derecho on Studd.

TV: You know, Trey Vincent came here tonight to increase the ratings. I’m putting the ratings through the roof with this match. Just with the people hearing my charismatic voice, women everywhere are diving for their vibrators and even some faygs are reaching for their tissues.

KC: Am I back on?

TV: Sadly, yes. Davis with a nice neckbreaker there on KaGe. Break his neck, Greg!

KC: We’ve finally got some order restored in this match as Studd and Derecho head to the apron.

TV: Look at Davis go. He’s stomping a new asshole in him and wiping off the shit! What, Keith? You don’t like my language? I just saved us from getting sued by those jerkoffs up in Connecticut. BY GAWD! BY GAWD!

KC: Davis with an inverted atomic drop on KaGe and he follows it up with a devastating clothesline that takes KaGe down to the mat. Davis bounces off the rope and lands a hard elbow right into KaGe’s skull.

TV: Keith, the people aren’t blind. They can see what’s happening. Gat damn, Mike, how do you put up with this idiot every week.

MM: It’s a challenge, Trey, I gotta be honest.

TV: What the fans at home are seeing is Greg Davis taking KaGe to school. Teaching him a lesson in sports entertainment. Look at that beautiful fist drop. I taught him that.

MM: You taught him the fist drop?

TV: It’s not as spectacular as the Most Outrageous Move In Sports Entertainment Today, the Big Time Fist Drop, but I let him do that little variation. I gave him my expressed copyright permission.

KC: And there’s a blatant choke by Davis.

TV: What choke, where? That knee is on KaGe’s chest. That’s the dreaded Chest Cave-Inner.

KC: Since when is KaGe’s chest under his chin?

TV: Since I said so!

MM: He’s dragging KaGe up to his feet now anyway. Relax. It’s Team EGO! We make the rules, they break ‘em.

KC: KaGe punches Davis square in the jaw! Davis lands on a knee but responds with a low blow.

TV: Huh? Greg was just stretching his arm. It’s not his fault KaGe’s groin was in the way.

KC: Tag in to Studd who heads up top. But KaGe whips Davis into the ropes. Studd is CROTCHED on the top turnbuckle!

TV: Ohhhhh! Man. That chick with the hotel key might have to take a rain check.

KC: KaGe heads up top. SUPERPLEX! What impact!

TV: Greg! Help him!

KC: KaGe gets a tag in to Derecho. Derecho hops to the top rope. Missile dropkick connects and Studd is back down. He charges toward Davis and dropkicks him! Davis falls all the way to the floor over the top rope.

TV: Can we invoke the Freebirds rule for this match?

MM: What, you mean, you switch with one of the other EGO boys? Go for it!

TV: Nahh. My boys will recover. Derecho is good, but he’s not THAT good. He’s not in my league. He hasn’t proven a damn thing in WWC yet. After all, he jobbed to Davis last week.

KC: What are you talking about? He beat Davis by disqualification.

TV: Are you incredibly stoned at the moment? Davis destroyed Derecho last week.

KC: Well, Derecho is taking it to Studd right now, after just connecting with a flying forearm. Derecho heads back to the top rope and waits on Studd. Headscissor takeover! Studd rolls himself right out of the ring, no doubt looking for a break.

TV: That’s what we in the biz call strategy, fucktard. He’s ending Derecho’s little bit of momentum.

MM: Uh, Trey.

KC: Derecho just launched himself over the top rope! What a plancha!

TV: How dare he do that fucking cruiserweight bullshit. What is this? Mexico?

KC: Derecho pulls Studd to his feet. Irish whip INTO THE STAIRS! Studd is grabbing his back in severe pain. But Derecho still isn’t done with Sean Studd. He grabs him by the legs. Oh my God! He just launched him over the steel railing into the crowd!

TV: What is wrong with this guy? This isn’t sports entertainment, this is low level hardcore brawling.

MM: Studd will recover. He’s got the endurance of five men.

TV: If Studd loses, he’s buying drinks tonight, that’s all I know.

KC: Derecho hops up onto the guardrail, using it as a springboard and does a somersault plancha on Studd!

TV: Will somebody tell these fans to shut the hell up! I could do that move if I wanted to. You fans just don’t deserve it from me. I don’t need to resort to outrageously dangerous moves to get over. I use my God-given talent.

MM: In the ring, Davis just jumped KaGe. He pulls him into the ring and is stomping him behind the referee’s back.

TV: Good, another graduate of the Helen Keller School of Referees. Finally, one goes our way. Get him, Gregster!

KC: Derecho hiptosses a dazed and hurting Studd back over the rail onto the concrete with a big time thud.

TV: You see? Even when we’re getting our asses kicked, everything we do is BIG TIME. Because we are big time. And don’t worry, Studd’s gonna come back from this and get his revenge.

KC: KaGe with a release Northern Lights Suplex on Davis. He gets up and is waiting on Davis to get up. The fans know what’s coming.

MM: He’s not the legal man! That’s not fair. Trey, control yourself. I’m sure you want to go help.

TV: I’m sure he’ll be okay.

KC: KaGe charges at Davis who leapfrogs over KaGe!

TV: Yes!

KC: But KaGe turns around and hits a reverse DDT!

TV: D’oh!

MM: Incoming!

TV: Hey! Did you see that! Studd just backdropped Derecho on the floor! What a reversal. He is truly the man of 1,000 holds. And he doesn’t even use his best moves from those 1,000 holds in the ring.

MM: He saves his best one for the ladies, huh?

TV: From what I hear. You see, we got our priorities straight. First things first is money. Then fame. Then sex. Then booze. Then sports entertainment. Just imagine how great we’d be if we actually gave a flying fuck about this business or any of the other jerkoffs in it.

KC: Studd struggles to get Derecho into the ring who has just taken a nasty bump.

TV: Did you just say he shit his tights?

KC: I said BUMP, not dump.

TV: Oh. Right. Chill out, dude.

MM: See what I have to put up with, Trey?

TV: It’s a damn shame. You should be the lead man out here, not this little graduate of the Michael Cole School of Boring.

KC: Hey! I take major offense to that!

TV: As you should. And we all do.

KC: Studd drags Derecho up to his feet and charges him backward hard into the turnbuckles. Derecho collapses to his knees in pain. Enzugeri by Studd! What a smack. Derecho could be out right here. Cover!

TV: Bah, only a two count. Derecho is tough, I’ll give him that much. But where is the charisma? Paul Levine wants Derecho to take me down. Levine brings in Davis to teach me a lesson. He brings in Studd to teach me a lesson. But who really is teaching who a lesson each time, huh? Trey Vincent is the master of screwing people over. jOlt. PIW. XW. Nobody is safe from my wrath.

KC: Studd has Derecho locked into a Boston crab.

TV: That’s a Long Island Crab. You can tell cuz it’s got more attitude. More balls.

MM: Derecho is screaming in pain. He’s gotta tap out.

TV: If he’s smart, he will. But we all know Derecho is a couple beers short of a 24-pack.

KC: Derecho is looking for some help from the crowd and getting it. He’s starting to drag himself toward the ropes.

TV: Isn’t he tapping?

MM: That looks like tapping to me.

KC: But it doesn’t to the referee, and that’s all that matters right now. Derecho is just millimeters away from forcing Studd to break the painful hold. Davis is in the ring! Oh my! Leg drop on the back of Derecho’s head. He could not have been expecting that!

TV: This is one well-oiled machine here. No!

KC: KaGe just hit the Hanging Corpse on an surprised Davis! What sick impact.

TV: Good thing he didn’t have any booze before the match or he’d be hurling again. Damn.

KC: Davis rolls to the floor, still holding his ribs, as KaGe heads back to the apron. He’s banging on the turnbuckle and urging the crowd to cheer Derecho on and get the tag.

TV: Shut up! Stupid Ohio fucks.

MM: Derecho is crawling. But Studd picks him up and slams him dead center in the ring. He’s going for the capper!

TV: The money shot?

MM: The Studdly Splash!

TV: Hey! KaGe can’t do that.

KC: KaGe just shook the ropes and Studd, for a second time, is crotched on the top turnbuckle.

TV: Was that his impersonation of the Ultimate Warrior. Frigging retard. Oh, but KaGe is about to get his!

KC: Davis is sneaking up behind KaGe here. He hops the apron and clothesline him in the back of the head. What the?

MM: LOOK OUT!

*CRASH*

'Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!' the fans chanted wildly after Greg Davis just hit a belly to back suplex on KaGe that sent both men crashing through the announce table! The announcers scrambled to get out of the way of the incoming disaster. Meanwhile, in the ring, Derecho was up on the top rope and had Studd set up.

Top rope jackhammer!

Studd was down and out. The referee was out checking on Davis and KaGe, who laid among the wreckage of the table, TV monitors and other equipment. The only man on his feet was Derecho.

But not for long.

In the chaos after the table was destroyed, Trey Vincent had snuck away. And now was his chance to strike. He slid into the ring. The fans all roared, trying to warn Derecho of the impending attack. But for the second week in a row, Trey Vincent gave Derecho an up and close view of his WWC Title Belt — right in his face.

Derecho collapsed to the mat as Vincent had hammered that belt into his skull with all his might. Vincent grabbed Studd’s arm and draped his EGO mate on top of Derecho. And then Vincent got out of there as quick as possible. He headed over to the referee and forced him back into the ring.

The referee glared at Trey for a moment, but he had to do his job.

And that was count.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Ding, ding, ding.

And then the boos were at their loudest. Team EGO has screwed over Derecho yet again as he was on the verge of claiming a clean victory. Vincent hopped up and down on the floor, laughing, as Studd rolled off and smiled, raising his arms in victory. Vincent pointed at Studd and Studd pointed right back at Vincent.

And once again, the pissed off crowd began littering the ring with garbage. Cups of soda and beer were hurled in Team EGO’s direction, along with other rolled up bits of garbage and paper. Vincent helped Davis get to his feet and then the two men headed into the ring.

Vincent had the microphone. He looked down and smiled as a stream of blood trickled down Derecho’s head.

'The winners of the match, Teeeeeeeeam, EEEEEEEEEEGOOOOOOOOO!'

The jeers were still at their loudest.

'Derecho. You better realize right now, that you will NEVER get any closer to this title. And how fitting is it that the biggest piece of trash in the WWC is now surrounded by garbage from all these Ohio pieces of shit!'

Vincent dropped the microphone and raised his title up, only to drive it down into Derecho’s head a second time.

KaGe rushed the ring with what little energy he had left, but he had an equalizer — a steel chair. Vincent, Studd and Davis saw him coming this time and Team EGO was able to evade KaGe’s wild, poorly aimed swings, getting out of danger unscathed. KaGe, once again, stood over Derecho, coming to his rescue after a Team EGO beating.

Winner: Team EGO via pinfall (Sean Studd over Derecho)

NEXT CHAPTER: Trey Vincent in Legacy of Champions >>

©2004 John Leary