Shill This Hype Part 3

PIW Massacre
Dec. 7, 2002

A logo with Massacre crossed out and sprayed over with Team EGO comes on the screen. Yes, it's time for the third and bestest part of Fan Appreciation Night. Why is it the bestest part? Oh, you'll see

Back out to the crowd, Vincent and Studd were now with three everyday fellows in the balcony. On screen names say: John Leary, Paul Levine and John Cusimano.

"You know what I hate, Trey, is people who toot their own horn. So instead of Sean Studd and Trey Vincent telling you how good they are, these guys are gonna do it for us.

"WE RULE!" Levine yelled.

"DAMN RIGHT!" Leary seconded.

"Anything YOU'D like to add," Vincent asked Cusimano, with a cat that just ate the canary grin on his face.

"Yes. If the fWo put a image of dog shit on the front page people would mark out.. Cause its fWo and its done by Travis..."

Whoa, quick cut. Vincent and Studd were now at a popcorn stand, standing next to a man in a goofy little red and white uniform and a paper hat. The guy is staring kinda dumbly at the camera. On screen came the name Jermay Frampten.

"So what do you think of PIW, bro?" Vincent asked.

The popcorn guy scowled. "PIW? It SUCKS! PIW sucks! fWo rules!"

"We are here with Jermay "Anger Management Needed" Frampten," Studd said. "If PIW sucks, why do you get such a boner in talking about it?"

The popcorn vendor again scowled. "FWO RULZ!"

"Yep, I guessed it....Frampten's a robot," Studd decided.

Vincent disagreed. "Nah, he's like a broken record..."

"efffffff, dubyaaaaaa, ohhhhhhhhhhhh," Frampten belted out.

"SUCKS!" Vincent and Studd responded to a HUGE pop from the crowd.

Studd grins at the camera, holding his microphone professionally in his grasp. He than brings the microphone up, "Well ladies and gentlemen, we have officially found out much about these certain fans and will be doing it again. We aren't done yet cause...."

"eefffffff, dubyaaaaaaaaa, ohhhhhh-h-h---", suddenly as Frampten bellowed out the federation of his wet dreams, his face suddenly got bright red, as he held his left arm and fell to the floor in a heap before giving out one last breath of air. Studd just looked down at the pork chop of a man called Frampten as he lay on the floor. Studd appeared quite annoyed as he looked back up at Vincent, who could not believe what just happened.

"DUDE! He just interrupted my closing! How messed up is that?" The fans let out a loud array of laughter, as Studd looked completely annoyed. Vincent looked down at Frampten and nudged the big man with the end of his boot...

"Umm...Does anyone know what to do in a situation like this?" asked Vincent, "possibly cut and re-do the segment...something...no? Ok...well, I guess we should get this guy some help...", proclaimed Vincent as he shrugged, not really caring.

"He's needed help for awhile Trey...we all knew that. But I guess this guy needs mouth to mouth. Does anyone here know CPR?" asked Studd. All of a sudden, a beautiful blonde woman stepped up with a smile on her face.

"I do," she said as she looked down at the helpless bum. Studd looked at the girl, and his eyes almost popped off his face. Vincent immediately saw this and slapped his forehead. Studd suddenly grabbed his left arm and looked deep into the blonde woman's eyes...

"Hey, I feel a little pain in my left arm too. Hey baby, I think I need some mouth to mouth," Studd said with a sly grin, as the woman was happy to return the grin. Studd winked over at TV as if to say 'watch this.' "Would you mind giving me mouth to mouth? I think I need it terribly, or I could die..."

The female grinned sexually, "Well, if it's a life or death situation...I think you may need more than mouth to mouth. I'll have to do all I can to...*wink*...save you." Immediately Studd placed his arm around the female's smooth shoulders and walked off camera, bringing the girl with him.

Vincent watched as Studd brought the girl into the bathroom of the arena. The fans let out numerous like "WHOO!" and "YEAH STUDD!" Suddenly, a crash is heard in the bathroom. TV cocked an eyebrow up...

As suddenly the janitor John Carol is seen soaring through the door. As Studd peeked his head out, "Didn't you say you were leaving for good? Jesus Christ man, make up your mind!" Studd yelled out, but was suddenly grabbed by the shirt collar and brought back into the bathroom by the female. Carol looked at the door in sadness, and walked off with his head hung in shame.

"Does anyone even remember what we were doing here?" Vincent asked as the fans let out a huge amount of laughter. Vincent shrugged and walked down the hallway as Frampten continued to twitch on the floor. "I need a drink."

Fade out. In small print, it says: Any resemblance to ewrestling personalities is strictly coincidental.

NEXT CHAPTER: Pissing People Off Is Fun! >>

©2002 John Leary