Shill This Hype Part 2

PIW Massacre
Dec. 7, 2002

A logo with Massacre crossed out and sprayed over with Team EGO came on the screen. Yes, it's time for the second part of Fan Appreciation Night. If Part 1 was any hint as to how things were going to progress, well, let's just say winning new fans isn't the goal. Perhaps it's entertaining the hardcore PIW fans by mocking anyone not lucky enough to be in it. But if you're being philosophical about a sports entertainment show...perhaps YOU need some mental help.

As we opened, Team EGO was back in the bathroom, Vincent and Studd are there again when the janitor enters again and cleans the toilet. "MOTHERFUCKER THIS FUCKING SUCKS. CAN'T PEOPLE FORMAT THEIR SHIT SO IT DOESN'T GET ALL OVER THE BOWL?" The janitor is now wearing a jOlt 4-life T-shirt as he steps out from a stall. "THAT IS THE GREATEST TOILET CLEANING OF ALL TIME! NOBODY IS AS INNOVATIVE AS jOlt, I mean, ME. I HAVE BROKEN NEW GROUND IN JANITORIAL SERVICE."

"You sound very familiar? What's your name?" Vincent queried.

"John Carol. The BEST JANITOR ON THE PLANET! CALL ME AN ASSHOLE IF YOU WANT, I'M AN ASSHOLE, BUT I'M A DAMN GOOD JANITOR."

"No you're not. Look at that toilet! You left all sorts of brown streaks and there's a clog in it!"

"SHUT UP! I HATE YOU ALL MAKING FUN OF ME!" Carol screamed. "THAT'S IT. I'M LEAVING!" He stormed out of the restroom.

The scene switches to the crowd. Vincent and Studd are with a short cotton candy seller.

"Team EGO is now here with Rich. So tell me Richard," Studd said. "Why do you think so many people hate PIW?"

"Grow up Studd. It's not PIW against the world," Richard said. "I'm tired of this PIW is hated fWo is loved bullshit. I'm sick and tired of people whining and complaining about the way people respond unfairly and suddenly kissing fWo's ass. fWo's done a lot to deserve people's respect. PIW hasn't. It's that simple. By the way: point made."

Vincent gasped in sarcastic horror. But while Rich had been blabbering on and on, Studd made his way behind Rich and suddenly yanked Rich's pants down! The crowd roared in laughter as suddenly Studd shoved Rich down the stairs! Some fans ran and grabbed some cotton candy as Rich was left flailing a few steps down, trying to hide his shortcomings.

We cut to somewhere else in the crowd and it sounds like a match is going on, with some ring crashing noises and whatnot. Vincent and Studd stop at a guy in the crowd. He's got a really big fat head. I mean REALLY big. Like, we're talking PUMPKIN HEAD here folks. He's got a big fat pumpkin head. On screen comes the name Kenneth.

"Hello Kenny. Tell me," Vincent said, trying hold back laughter. "What do YOU think of PIW?"

"I've never watched PIW, but it's no good."

"What do you mean you've never watched PIW? What are you watching right now? There's a match in the ring! And your eyes are LOOKING RIGHT AT IT!"

"We have a genius here folks!" Studd said. "Ignoramus anuses are spreading wildly."

Team EGO is now in a security office. A man in there is watching a tape of "Velocity" instead of keeping an eye on the arena. The name Symon comes on the screen.

"Someone told me you're a big fan of Big Shot," Vincent said.

"Big Shot's in PIW? Now that I know Big Shot is apart of PIW, I'll be sure to be EXTRA careful to stay away from its crappiness. I was already kind of careful before...like when you almost step in some dog shit and you sort of just tip toe around it. And then you're all....Phew, that was close."

"So, what, you'd rather watch Velocity than PIW?"

"Absolutely," he replied.

"Only losers watch Velocity," Vincent said.

"Yeah," Symon said, "But at least I don't write reports about it."

"PIW is the best," Vincent said. "You know why? Because Team EGO is in it."

A second security guard entered the room. He was using a walker and appeared to be in his late 60s or 70s.

"And who the hell are you," Studd asked.

"Fish."

"Fish?" Vincent asked. "Any relation to that Sharc idiot?"

"My first bit of advice to you, sonny, is tone down the overblown propaganda. To be frank, I wanted to puke with all the pro-PIW stuff you are throwing out there. Its just sad. If your product is good and popular, there is no need to shout it from the mountain tops. Screaming about how good and popular it is just makes you look like a desperate staffer who will do anything to add credibility to its fed. Let the happenings on the PIW speak for PIW."

Studd kicked his walker away and the guard fell down. The crowd again laughed as the man fell and couldn't get up.

Back to the bathroom again. Vincent and Studd zipped up and turned around as John Carol walked back in.

"WRESTLING IS DEAD!" Carol was wearing an IOW RULES 4 EVER shirt this time. He headed into a perfectly clean stall and closed the door.

"Oh, so you watch sports entertainment?" Vincent asked. "Tell me, what do you think of PIW?"

Carol opened the stall. Suddenly, there was a huge mess of toilet paper and urine stains on the floor.

"Eh, I'm not very imperssed. I enjoyed the old PIW because it seemed like it was the only fed in this circle that ran shows like an actuall, real wretlsing federation would, but now they just feel like any other angle fed, dissapointing. Did you know I gut a D in spellink? But at least I'm not a hippocrite. And at least I'm nota complete fucking moron."

"Yeah, 99 percent is close enough," Vincent said.

TO BE CONTINUED

NEXT CHAPTER: Shill This Hype Part 3 >>

©2002 John Leary