Sharc vs. BIG Little Italy vs. Trey Vincent

PIW Evil Intentions
Sept. 21, 2002

"Evil Intentions" resumed with the Hardcore Title match. The champion made his presence felt first as the arena darkened to blood red at the opening blasts of "Pisschrist" blared. The 6-foot-2, 245-pounder from Boston, Massachusetts stepped out first to boos, wearing the Hardcore Title belt around his waist. He then pulled Lisa out and led her to the ring by the hand, though she didn't seem to be resisting too much. At the ring, Sharc gave Lisa the title and she went into the ring as Sharc headed under the ring and began looking for weapons.

In the ring came his barbed wire board.

Then something especially for Trey Vincent.

A television. It looked to be about a 13-inch screen.

Sharc slid the TV set in the ring and continued to pull out more garbage as "Small World" began playing and the lights returned to normal. Big Little Italy walked out to boos and flashing green, red and white lights. He headed down the aisle, slid into the ring and looked at Lisa before getting on the ropes and taunting the crowd.

Sharc slid in the ring and looked down at the rest of his weapons. A VCR. A keyboard. Chairs. A frying pan. Glasses. A mirror. And a sack.

Brown: Don't tell me, THUMBTACKS?

Nerdstrom: I don't think so Brown.

Brown: Well, this match is going to get taken to new extremes. Though this has been announced as a triple threat match, you have to think that Italy and Sharc both want to take out Trey Vincent, who last week revealed himself as being their masked attacker in the previous weeks.

And then, only the sound of boos remained. Sharc and Italy paced around the ring as Lisa left the ring. They stared at the entryway, then paced, paused, paced, looked at the entryway. Sharc picked up his board, Italy picked up a chair and both men eyed each other.

Nerdstrom: Where's Vincent?

Brown: This guy has a bad backstage reputation. I hope he's not trying to shortchange all these fans on his first night.

The lights went down, but the InsaneTron lit up. A still picture of a very familiar masked man. The man pulled off the mask, and, to nobody's surprise, it was Trey Vincent. Part of the crowd popped at his appearance. Vincent chuckled and put on a pair of sunglasses and smiled at Sharc and Italy in the ring.

TV: Sorry scrubs, Trey Vincent has played his part in this little angle. Somebody hired me to make your lives hell. Mission accomplished. I got no grudges against either one of you, other than the fact neither one of you is a sports entertainment icon and you don't even register a blip on the charisma chart. I've cashed my checks and I've got no need for doing anything hardcore, other than back at my hotel room with the finest piece New Orleans has got to offer.

The crowd popped at the city name, obviously.

TV: And Trey Vincent has to go get drunk and get flashed by drunk chicks!

Another pop.

TV: So, while you fans won't be getting the greatest sports entertainer in the business tonight, Trey Vincent has got something else lined up for you two. Oh yeah, Trey Vincent has got a replacement. And I'd like to introduce, THEM, right now.

Brown: Them? What's he talking about?

TV: Both of you guys have done some very naughty stuff. Sharc, you've been tormenting that little piece of ass for weeks. And Italy. Hell, you aren't even who you SAY you are. So both of you jerkoffs should be VERY familiar with this amazingly, DEVASTATING tag team combo.

The crowd began to pop in a 'NO WAY' manner.

TV: You see, I did a little investigating and it turns out that a couple boys you thought had quit, quit in name only. So ladies and gentleman, please give a warm welcome…to tonight's entertainment. Good night. And have fun.

The arena was black. The crowd was unsure what was going to happen.

And then the InsaneTron lit up and the crowd EXPLODED in cheers.

Brown: NO WAY!

Nerdstrom: It CAN'T be!

Two words flashed on the big monitor as "Who We Be" by DMX began to blast in the arena.

DEVASTATION INC.!

The lights came up as two figures emerged from backstage…

CONAN THE LEPRECHAUN.

And BIG LITTLE ITALY.

DEVASTATION INC. WAS BACK.

Nerdstrom: What the HELL? TWO ITALY's?

Brown: DEVASTATION INC. is REUNITED.

Sharc's jaw dropped open and Italy put his hands to his face.

Brown: What the HELL is going on? This Italy in the ring is an IMPOSTER?

Nerdstrom: Any idiot could see that.

Brown: Sure, NOW. What's that?

Nerdstrom: What? What?

Brown: I'm getting word from the back that Jim Johnson has made this…a four-way dance!

Nerdstrom: OH, please!

Leprechaun and Italy had had enough of the fan's thunderous cheering. It was time for violence. And payback. Devastation Inc. sprinted to the ring and the fight was on.

Devastation Inc. vs. Sharc + Evil Little Italy

Leprechaun went right at Sharc, headbutting him in the groin! Sharc collapsed and dropped his weapon as the pair of Italy's began to pound away on each other.

Nerdstrom: Damn it, which midget is which?

One Italy whipped the other Italy into the ropes and landed a dropkick right to his twin's face. And he began to pound away. But the second Italy reversed and began pounding away on the first Italy.

Leprechaun picked up the frying pan.

CLUNK!

Right to Sharc's skull!

Nerdstrom: Sharc burgers coming up.

Sharc, who had fallen to his knees, now fell flat on his face.

Leprechaun spied his love, Lisa, outside of the ring. He headed outside and ran to her. They embraced before kissing passionately on the floor.

Nerdstrom: Man, pregnant or not, I'd love some of that action!

Brown: And she gives him a little pat on the behind as he heads back inside. Oh no, and another something special. A bottle of beer!

Leprechaun twisted off the top, saluted the sold-out arena and then guzzled down the brew. Once it was gone, he let out a mighty belch and then smashed the bottle over Sharc's head. He picked up a shard of glass, pretended it was a pen and then began to draw in Sharc's forehead. Eventually, ink came in red.

THUD!

"OHHHHHHH," the crowd roared as Italy hit, well, Italy with a chair.

Brown: Sharc is losing a lot of blood and we're only moments into this match!

Nerdstrom: He's a VAMPIRE'S BUFFET!

Brown: BWAHAHAHAHA. *bang, bang, bang* (Brown hitting the table while laughing.)

Nerdstrom: *Snort* I don't know where that one came from…

The fans were rocking, but then the "imposter" or "evil" Italy hit Leprechaun in the back with the chair. While Italy and Conan wrestled before Drastic Measures, it still looked odd to see Italy attacking Leprechaun.

The real Italy was up, and grabbed the mirror. He headed up top. Evil Italy turned around as the crowd reacted.

SMASH.

"Ohhhhhhhh," the fans moaned again before cheering wildly.

Shards of glass went flying and the "evil" Italy was down.

Nerdstrom: Who do you suppose will get the bad luck out of THAT move?"

Sharc was up and clotheslined Italy, turning him nearly inside out. Sharc looked down and began stomping on Leprechaun.

Then he stopped. He knew what he wanted.

Tables.

He went outside and under the ring.

Crowd pop.

He slid one table into the ring and wiped some blood from out of his eyes. He angled the table in the corner, but Leprechaun and Italy were both back up. They greeted Sharc with a double dropkick. Sharc was whipped into the ropes and they lifted him up for a flapjack onto the broken glass from the bottle and the mirror.

"Evil" Italy was up and had a steel chair. He greeted his counterpart with a stiff swing to the face. Leprechaun charged at the chair-wielding Italy and began to pound away on him. After a whip to the ropes, Italy was rocked by a pair of flying feet to his face.

But Sharc was up, and he had his barbed wire board. He unloaded onto the top of Leprechaun's skull!

"Ohhhhhh," the crowd shouted once again.

Sharc pulled the wire free from Conan's thick head of hair, pulling out strands. Sharc looked at his prize and threw it free.

He spied his sack and went for it. He unloaded the contents onto the mat. It wasn't tacks.

It was FISH HOOKS.

Brown: NO, NO, NOOO.

Sharc dragged Leprechaun towards the pile and looked back one last time. He grabbed Leprechaun by the throat. He lifted him up! Not a chokeslam!

Nerdstrom: OH YES! Welcome to Hookville, Mr. Leprechaun.

Leprechaun screamed upon impact and quickly rolled off the hooks, which pierced his shirt, but more importantly, and painfully, his back.

Sharc grabbed his barbed wire board and got down and began shredding Leprechaun's flesh like the barbed wire board were a saw he was trying to chop down a tree with…and Lep's head was the tree in question.

Once satisfied, as blood began to stream down Conan's forehead into his eyes and down his cheeks, Sharc dragged Leprechaun to the corner and then he went for the television set. He dragged it to the corner and spread Conan's legs apart.

"You may have a kid on the way…but you ain't EVER gonna have another one!" Sharc screamed before pounding away on Leprechaun's bloody skull, which was getting bloodier with every stiff shot to his wounded head.

Sharc shoved the TV set a little closer, then backed up and flipped off Leprechaun.

BASEBALL SLIDE DROPKICK TO THE TV INTO LEPRECHAUN'S GROIN!

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH" the crowd groaned out.

Nerdstrom: Conan just got introduced to Must Feel TV.

Meanwhile, the Italy's were back to their feet. They each grabbed a chair.

Sharc tossed Leprechaun out of the ring, and he hit the floor with a thud.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK, went the dueling chairs.

A draw by the Italy's.

Sharc picked up Leprechaun as if for an atomic drop. But then ran him crotch first into the steel post!

Nerdstrom: Man, don't get his valet pregnant! If he rams him into the steel post again, he'll be wearing his nuts as earrings!

CRACK, CRACK, SWING AND A MISS!

THUD!

THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!

The victorious version of Italy grabbed a keyboard and cracked it over his fallen victim. Oh, no, that wasn't a computer keyboard. That was a keyboard...the instrument.

Sharc dropped a fist into Leprechaun's still aching groin. And again.

"You'll never fuck her again," Sharc grunted out.

In the ring, Italy screamed at his imposter. "You wanna steal my life?" Italy then locked Italy into the Crucifix Knee Bar!

Sharc was about to go for Blood In The Water on the floor, but saw what was happening in the ring and dropped the hold, and Leprechaun. The back of Lep's head bounced off the floor.

Sharc kicked off the real Italy. Sharc whipped him into the ropes, but he held on. Sharc charged and got two feet to his chest. Italy headed outside and hit a beautiful springboard huricanrana! Cover!

One...

Two...

NO.

Leprechaun slid back into the ring and picked up a glass that was laying in the ring. He grabbed Sharc and turned him around as he got up.

SMASH!

More glass flew in every direction as the crowd let out a loud "OOOOOOOH."

Nerdstrom: Cheers!

Sharc grabbed at his face and Leprechaun shook his hand in pain and appeared to pull out a shard from his palm.

Brown: Sharc may have got some glass in his eyes!

Conan shook his hand again and stomped away on the back of Sharc's head, driving him into more glass on the mat.

THWACK!

Brown: Oh my, did you see that? Italy with a chair shot to the imposter.

Italy called Leprechaun to the corner.

Brown: Italy is dazed and laying against the table. What are they going to do?

THWACK!

Another chair shot to Evil Italy.

Brown: What the hell?

Lep bent down and put Italy on his shoulders. He slowly stood up on Lep's shoulders! They slowly walked toward the dazed Italy.

Italy with a somersault onto the other Italy!

The crowd POPPED. Then kinda groaned.

The table didn't break.

Leprechaun checked on his partner, who landed awkwardly on his head and was clutching his neck in pain. He fought through the pain and got up. Leprechaun picked up the imposter Italy and dragged him back a bit. He then whipped him towards Italy.

The real italy picked up the fake Italy, had him on his shoulders and then

CRUNCH!

Death Valley driver through the table!

"Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!" the PIW fans responded. "OHHHHHHHH."

Lep smashed another glass into Sharc's face, but again paid the price, as his hand appeared to be bleeding. But he wasn't gonna let that stop him.

Conan saw the VCR laying on the mat.

Nerdstrom: Leprechaun has the VCR!

Italy kicked Sharc in the gut. Lep runs off the ropes and charged!

BOOM!

Sharc's lifeless body fell through the ropes onto the apron. Leprechaun raised the VCR in triumph to the roaring crowd.

Leprechaun headed outside and under the ring for another table. Italy and Leprechaun bridged the ring and guardrail with the table.

Devastation Inc. dragged Sharc onto the table. In the ring, Fake Little Italy was still a lifeless blob.

Italy and Leprechaun looked at each other. They nodded.

Sharc was laid out perfectly in the middle, an equal distance from both corners of the ring.

Both guys headed inside and nodded at each other again.

The fans rose to their feet as the wrestlers climbed up to the top turnbuckles!

Brown: The imposter is up!

"OOHHHHHHHHHH"

CRUNCH!

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

Brown: A leg drop from the turnbuckle THROUGH A TABLE. Sharc may be broken!But only Italy made it!

Nerdstrom: That's because the Evil Italy just crotched Leprechaun on the top turnbuckle. As if his balls could be any bluer at this point!

Both men are in some pain. Leprechaun delicately began to turn himself around in an attempt to get off, and Italy came up to join him. The two men exchanged punches. Lep, Italy, Lep, Italy, exchanging punch after punch. Until…

THUD!

Italy fell backward to the mat.

Leprechaun climbed back to the top.

THE BOTTLE OPENER!

Cover!

ONE

TWO

THREKICKOUT!

On the floor, Sharc and Italy were being checked on by an official who ran out from the back.

Brown: Sharc may lose his title without ever being pinned!

Lep picked up Italy and slammed him down onto the glass covered mat. Lisa cheered for him, bouncing up and down excitedly as he climbed up to the top rope again!

Sharc was suddenly not down anymore. And he saw Lisa.

He grabbed his barbed wire board.

Brown: LEPRECHAUN WITH A POT OF GOLD!

Cover!

ONE.

"CONAN!"

Leprechaun released the hold as he saw what was going on.

All eyes were on Sharc now, who had Lisa cornered in the guardrail and held her in place with a foot to her upper chest. Her belly was exposed as she tried to shove Sharc's foot off of her.

"Give up this match, or I swear to God I will hit this bitch in her belly with this board. Your kid might make it, it might not. Are you willing to take that risk? GIVE UP!"

Leprechaun stared down at the scene in horror.

Brown: Sharc is threatening to kill Conan's unborn child! How can anyone defend this guy!

Sharc and Lep stared at each other, neither man making a move.

"Let 'er go!" Leprechaun demanded, but Sharc didn't budge.

Brown: THAT BASTARD.

Nerdstrom: Lep better give up if he wants to be a daddy.

Leprechaun shook his head and moved to the referee. The camera at the ring picked up the two words Sharc most wanted to hear: "Aye quit."

The bell rang. The boos rained down from the crowd, all onto Sharc. "Pisschrist" began to play as Sharc was announced the winner of the match. Sharc pulled Lisa to her feet, dropped the microphone and threw Lisa over his shoulder. He grimaced in pain for a moment and grabbed at his back before he walked around the ring, now essentially keeping Lisa his hostage, and headed up the aisle, backwards, staring at a fuming Leprechaun the entire way back.

Even as Sharc's music died off and he was backstage, Leprechaun continued to stare. His mouth began to shake and slowly began to express his rage. He turned around and saw "Evil" Italy getting to his feet. Leprechaun charged at him and clotheslined him down. He then put the boots to the imposter, stomping away. But that wasn't it.

He headed outside, grabbed a chair, and looked down at Evil Italy.

CRACK.

CRACK.

CRACK.

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK!

Brown: OH MY GOD

The fans volume rose with each vile chair shot to the fallen wrestler's body. Leprechaun wound up with all his might and cracked Italy once more.

CRACK!

Leprechaun dropped the chair and left the ring, eyes filled with rage.

Brown: Sharc is gonna PAY!

Nerdstrom: That's one pissed off little bastard.

NEXT CHAPTER: TV Time For the Franchise PLAYER >>

©2002 John Leary