Naming a future porn star

'Softcore pornography,' Trey Vincent simply said. 'It's kinda like non-alcoholic beer. What's the point? Do you seriously drink alcohol for the taste? Softcore porn has lame music...while good porn has moaning and grunting over lame music. Ya know what really irks me? Chicks in softcore porn generally try to hide their bush too. So whatever you do, don't pull the sheet up over your'

CRASH!

'Can we focus?' asked the woman with the black hair with blonde, red and purple streaks. She was wearing a maroon T-shirt and gray panties.

'NO. Not until you promise me you'll show your bush.'

'What bush?'

'Oh, right. Well...they might make you grow some hair.'

'Why?'

CRASH!

'Just something I've heard from some people. I prefer what you got, but for some reason the morons making movies like it.'

'Fine. I'll show my bush. But it ain't gonna be Misty Mundae style.'

CRASH!

Vincent, now satisfied, sat down on his forest green leather couch. His companion was seated on his matching recliner, all stretched out, playing with a remote controlled race car, a small gray HPI Super Nitro RS4 RTR Porsche 911. She was racing the car around the room and crashing it into chairs, the wall and—

CRASH.

The refrigerator. She smiled every time she crashed it into something and let out a chuckle, as if she was proud of herself.

'If there was a tiny little dude in there, he'd SO have vomited by now,' she said with an evil grin.

Vincent raised his eyebrows. 'Man, I get all the winners. Listen, we need to give you a name if you're serious about doing this softcore porn queen business.'

'I'm serious.' CRASH. 'Heeheehee. Very serious. I just love your toy.'

'I know, you proved that plenty last night,' Vincent said.

She sighed. 'Not THAT toy. I meant your little car. It's fun.'

CRASH.

'Well, keep having fun, but the body repair is coming out of your pocket.'

'Aww.' She rolled her eyes and stuck her pierced tongue out at him..

CRASH.

'I just don't get it. I have to find gimmicks for everybody. Inferior sports entertainers. Wannabe softcore porn queens. It's like my job is never done. I am so great, I can make people into stars, just by thinking of something for them to do.'

'Oh yeah,' she said, her voice full of sarcasm. 'Wippit Guud is a HUGE star now, isn't he?'

'Hey. That gimmick was gold. It's not my fault he dropped the ball. Wippit's whole gimmick was that he smiled. And now he's not smiling. He doesn't have a gimmick anymore.'

CRASH.

'Hey, would ya mind not crashing into my entertainment center?'

'Sorry. I forget how precious your home entertainment center is,' she said mockingly.

'What the HELL is your problem?'

'What's the matter, Trey? Not used to being mocked?'

'It's not the mocking. It's the sarcasm I'm not fond of. Sarcasm ain't sexy on chicks.'

'The hell it isn't. Men like to be abused.'

'Huh?'

'You do. Admit it you dumb son of a whore.'

'Hey!'

CRASH.

'And STOP CRASHING MY CAR!'

'Make me.'

'You bitch!'

'Blow me.'

Thirty minutes later...

Vincent and his lady lay in bed, breathing quite heavily.

'Told you.'

'Shut up,' Vincent said with a laugh.

'So what are you gonna name me?'

'It's very simple. Tell me your full name.'

'It's Kendra Jessica Ray.'

'And what street did you grow up on?'

'Eight Street.'

'Ummm...any others?' Vincent said with a laugh.

'I once lived on Payne Street, and Main Street and Broadway. That's it I think.'

'Excellent. Your porno name is Jessica Payne.'

'Why?'

'Haven't you ever played the porno name game before?'

'Um, no,' she said laughing.

'You take the person's middle name, and combine it with the street they grew up on. So, that's what I just did. And is that NOT a great porno name? Jessica Payne. You can be the queen of softcore bondage!'

'So what would your porn name be?'

'Well, since I don't have a middle name, it would be just a one name dealie. And it is, Longfellow.'

Andrea burst out laughing.

'I always did regret not having the middle name of Harry.'

'You grew up on Longfellow Street?'

'Longfellow Avenue actually. But yeah. So now we got you a porno name. Jessica Payne. Umm, umm. Tasty,' he said lightly stroking her thigh.

'Now we need to teach you the art of fake sex.' Vincent reached under the bed and pulled out a manuscript: 'Fake Porno Movie' by Trey Vincent.

'At long last,' he said smiling. 'My baby is gonna be acted out...'

NEXT CHAPTER: Fake Porno Movie: Part 1 >>

©2002 John Leary