Vaffunculo

Some could call it the perfect night. The perfect place. Waiters singing happy birthday in Italian to someone at one end of the restaurant. The cozy feel of the brown stone interior. The sounds of Italian music playing softly. Couples on dates, young families together. The dull chatter of several conversations combining. The sight of a lovely fireplace in the center of the action. Candles. Mood lighting. Flowers in small vases.

It was all destined to go wrong.

Lisa was just about through with her dinner when a loud crash captured her attention. A bunch of his fellow waiters clapped.

'Hey, sorry bro. But last time I checked, Trey Vincent doesn't go down for any man.'

The waiter he had knocked to the floor, perhaps accidentally, perhaps on purpose, who'd know for sure other than him, grumbled something as he picked up the plates, bowls, silverware, scraps of food and dirty cloth napkins. Boldly, Vincent approached the table Lisa had been sharing with Sharc before he went to the restroom.

'Pardon me...is this seat taken?' he asked.

Lisa rolled her eyes. 'As if this night weren't bad enough. I cannot believe this.'

Vincent was decked out tonight in a gray button-down shirt and black dress pants, looking somewhat professional for a change. He was also wearing a winter hat for some reason. Even though it was still September and hardly cold outside this night. He took a seat and looked at Sharc's mostly eaten meal, some sort of pasta bowl. Vincent picked out a sausage with his fingers and ate it.

'Not bad. That depressing son of a bitch gets good food and to stare at your face all night long. Why is he so damn depressed? But tell me...does he get...everything?'

Lisa dropped her fork. 'Fuck off.'

Vincent laughed. 'Oh come on. THAT'S why he's depressed. I should've figured as much. Not giving up the nappy dugout.'

Lisa looked ready to jump across the table and strangle Vincent with her hands. Vincent noticed she was grabbing at the edge of the table very tightly.

'Careful darling, you might break a nail.' Vincent then saw Sharc come out from the restroom area. Smiling, Vincent stood up and held the seat open for the man he's been investigating.

'Vincent, I'm REALLY sick of this,' Sharc said, shoving the chair against the table, spilling a bit of Lisa's glass of water on the table. A few people seated near the men noticed and took a peek at the two men and a brief hush went through the room. 'Why don't you just tell me who hired you investigate me and why.'

'Because that'd ruin the suspense. And we can't have plot leaks.'

'Plot leaks? What are you talking about?'

'Trey Vincent ain't an Internet whore, Mr. Scherer or Mr. Ryder or whoever the hell you're trying to be. Trey pleads the fifth. And wants a fifth. Does this place have a bar?'

Vincent walked away, quickly discovered the bar and went right to it.

'The hell is wrong with him,' Sharc asked.

'You know...' Lisa said, as if prepared ask Sharc who he was to question anybody's antics. But she decided against it.

Sharc stood and watched as Vincent grabbed a shot of vodka at the bar, downed it, ordered another, downed it, ordered another, downed it, ordered another, downed it. Then finally paid and headed back toward Sharc.

Then stopped.

Headed back to the bar. And threw down four bills. The bartender gave Vincent a bottle of beer and then Vincent headed back toward Sharc and Lisa again.

'What a rip-off this place is,' Vincent said before taking a gulp of beer. 'Four bucks for a beer. Please. Don't even get me started on those shots. Fuckers. Anyways. Red. If you get to bang that later tonight, you my man, are my hero. Of course, if I got to bang that, I'd by my hero. Hey Lisa...'

'Piss off.'

'You know...you have a face that belongs on TV.'

'Ugh,' was her only reply. 'I'm going to the ladies room. Be gone or dead when I get back. I don't care which.'

'Who were you talking to?' Vincent asked.

'Does it matter?' She grabbed her purse and walked to the restrooms. Sharc and Vincent both watched her until she was out of sight.

Vincent and Sharc then locked eyes. Vincent reached into his top pocket and pulled out a business card.

'Maybe we should talk Rich. Call me. Any time before 1 a.m. Cuz by that time, I'm either gonna have some chick or be looking at my porno choices for the evening.'

'I want answers.'

'And I want you to be more entertaining. But we all get have our wishes granted can we? But fine. Seriously. Give me a jingle...'

A digitized classical tune rang out, interrupting the conversation. Vincent pulled his cell phone from off his belt and answered.

'Hello? Yes. Hey Eddie. Yeah. Hey, can I call you back in like, 10 minutes? I've got all the goods. Yep. Just as you feared. Sorry to tell you. OK. Talk to you in a bit. Thanks man. Later.' Vincent hung up and lightly slapped Sharc's arm. 'Call me.'

Vincent backed up and and pointed both index fingers at Sharc and smiled before turning and heading for the exit.

'Can we go now?' Lisa asked, now back from the ladies room.

Sharc stared at the closed large wood door. 'Yeah. I've lost my appetite.'

NEXT CHAPTER: Vaffunculo 2 >>

©2002 John Leary