Trey Vincent vs. Hardcore God vs. Keith Scott Zimmerman
Elks Lodge: A Tribute To A Decade of Wrestling
Aug. 9, 2003
Written by Leary
 "Sugar." System Of a Down. It was time for the Hardcore God to do battle with Trey Vincent and Keith Scott Zimmerman in a three-way dance to become Number One Contender. And the God came out first, for all to bow down before. None did, though. The 6-3, 255 pound man, who calls Heaven home walks to the ring, surprisingly without any "holy shit" chants.
GP: This match should be quite interesting. There is a huge prize for the winner.
JT: Besides sex and drugs, there's nothing finer than gold. And money too. Money is better than gold.
GP: Way to build up the match.
JT: Anything to help out.
GP: And how could we not mention his little midget there.
JT: Yep. There is his midget. That little midget may be the big different in this match. Which could be rather, ironic.
Up next, "Injected With A Poison," by Pragha Khan hit the speakers. The Sports Entertainment Icon steps out to the pounding beat, puts his arms out wide, into a T-shape, and lifts them up into a V-position, spelling out his initials. Vincent, at 6-4 and a slim, trim, buff, rough, tough, jacked, ripped and chiseled 265 pounds, walks down the aisle, his trademark cocky grin plastered across his face. Vincent slides under the bottom rope and stares at the God.
GP: Trey Vincent has been on a losing steak since his first victory on the night IWO returned earlier this year. No doubt he's looking to get a big win here.
JT: By the way, I was talking to Trey before the show started. And he made fun of the Hardcore God's name, saying that there is only one hardcore god, and that is Trey Vincent. And he has a long list of chicks to prove it!
GP: That's nice. That is one kind of hardcore that doesn't matter in a wrestling ring.
JT: Hopefully one day. And with two chicks.
GP: Vincent and Hardcore God talking a little smack, but, oddly, the two aren't starting the brawl before the final participant comes out.
Then the music for Keith Scott Zimmerman hits. "Main Offender" by the Hives. Zimmerman walks out, still in tribute to Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig, with a white towel and decked out in an orange and black singlet, chewing on a piece of gum.
PERFECT BEHIND THE BACK TOWEL TOSS~!
Let the markdom begin.
Vincent and the God watch as the 5-8, 163 pounder walks the aisle, looking ahead to his opponents. Zimmerman climbs up on the apron on one knee, then stands up, soaking in the attention of the crowd. And it was hard to get a committed reaction out of the crowd. It was one for the fans who were hardcore marks for their favorite wrestler (or sports entertainer, in TV's case).
Zimmerman waited. He tosses the towel away and calls for Vincent to ask him something.
PERFECT GUM SPIT AND HIT INTO FACE~!
GP: We got ourselves a sounded bell. This one will decide who wants it the most. Who wants to be at the top of the IWO.
JT: Hardcore God strikes first.
Indeed. He blindsides Vincent from behind with a forearm shot to the back of his head. Hardcore God gets Vincent in the corner and stomps at his midsection, knocking Vincent down on his ass. The stomps keep coming before the Heavenly being picks up the Franchise Player and whips him toward the opposite corner.
JT: And KSZ gets in the ring! Yes!
GP: He's not here to observe. Is he going to get involved?
JT: You know he will.
Vincent hits the corner. As H-God runs in, he gets introduced to Vincent's size 14 boots. Vincent charges forward and dropkicks H-God in the ankle, knocking down to one knee. Vincent is up quickly and charges off the ropes and hits a diving clothesline.
Trey stands up and looks at Zimmerman.
Shrugs.
Leg drops H-God.
Covers him too.
One.
Kick out.
H-God catches TV by the throat and headbutts him, knocking him for a loop. H-God looked over to KSZ and charges.
Superkick.
KSZ goes down and gets right back up. Mr. Workrate rakes H-God's eyes and tosses him out of the ring.
And was spun around to come face to face with Vincent. Well, as close as KSZ could get to a face-to-face. Vincent with a brutally stiff clothesline sends KSZ inside out. TV gets down on his knees and lands several punches to KSZ's jaw.
H-God was back in the ring. And he had a weapon. And a midget. Same different for him. He held the little midget by the feet and wound up for a swing to KSZ's back. Connected.
Vincent topples over in laughter. H-God watches as Vincent laughed uncontrollably. H-God only let Vincent keep laughing until TV sits up.
Swing.
MISS!
Vincent leg sweeps H-God and both men climb to their feet.
Shocking Conclusion by Vincent. Yes, it looks like a Stone Cold Stunner for a reason. It is.
JT: Vincent is chasing after the midget.
GP: Dear God, what will he do to that midget?
JT: He dives! Oh yes, he caught the midget by the ankles. And there sure as hell isn't a lot to grab there.
GP: Vincent has him up. NO! He walks the midget crotch first into the steel post!
JT: I think I just heard a grape pop somewhere.
GP: Oh NO! Why does he have a chair?
JT: He wouldn't! Hey, I think that was your line. But still. He won't use that chair on the midget will he?
GP: I hope not.
Vincent walked up to the midget and waited for him to get up.
*CRACKALACKA*
GP: Look at Vincent, that is one of the lowest things I've seen. That midget is already bleeding like a stuck pig.
JT: And H-God just saw what happened. He's coming after Vincent.
*CRACK*
GP: And H-God is down now. Did we mention the rules are relaxed for this match?
JT: Just a typical Hardcore God match. But Vincent is the King of Kings when it comes to hardcore gods. He told me so. If you don't believe him, just ask him.
GP: And meanwhile, as a midget and Hardcore God lay on the ground, KSZ waits in the ring. He lays on the top corner turnbuckle while the fight continues on the floor.
Vincent picks up H-God. Hot Shot on the guardrail! And here come the medics to tend to the midget Vincent destroyed with the chair shot. TV looked at them, chuckling. Vincent puts the chair on H-God's head and drops a leg.
JT: Zimmerman is playing this smart. He's not getting involved with the action on the floor.
GP: Maybe he's afraid to go out there.
JT: Whatever it is, it's still smart.
Vincent heads back into the ring and Zimmerman hops off the top rope. Mid-ring confrontation. Collar and elbow tie up. Zimmerman pushes Vincent to the corner.
Knee lift.
Knife-hand chop.
"WHOOOO!" went the crowd.
Chop.
"WHOOOOO!"
Copy and paste twice more. Snap mare by Zimmerman. Perfect rolling neck snap. Pin.
One.
Two.
Kickout by Vincent.
As Vincent got up, Zimmerman hit him with a roaring elbow, knocking Vincent a couple zip codes backward. Whip to the ropes. Reverse.
Reverse handspring elbow by Zimmerman.
Cover.
One.
Two.
Kickout.
Chairshot from the Heavens. Zimmerman goes down. And rolls out of the ring.
GP: Just a reminder, in this match, chair shots are legal. The thinking being, can you really disqualify somebody in a three-way dance? How lame would that be?
H-God was just aching for Vincent to get up now. He did.
Swing. Vincent drops to his back and double kicks H-God in his exposed ribs. Exposed because of the wild chair shot. Vincent quickly spun around to get on his ass and delivered an elbow shot to those same ribs.
Now Vincent has the chair. He opened the chair and picked up H-God. Only to drop him ribs first on the chair. As H-God recoiled in pain, Vincent could only smile. Until Zimmerman ran in and low-blowed him with an uppercut to his crotch. Then, he too, was on the canvas.
Zimmerman grabbed H-God's ankles and spread him wide open.
Knee.
KSZ targeted TV. There was a whip to the ropes. And a wait for a drop toe hold, which lands Vincent throat first on the middle rope. Then KSZ went for H-God. Same deal, except to the opposite side of the ring.
Add up 619 and 619. No, you don't get 2036, you get two opponents laid out for a double pin via Zimmerman.
One.
Two.
Two shoulders went up, halting both counts.
Zimmerman heads to the apron. Both of his opponents are still laid out beside each other. Springboard senton splash. Then The Whole Work Rate Show drags them both so they were closer to a corner, which he mounts.
Double fist drop from the middle rope.
Double cover.
Double shoulders up.
JT: Zimmerman taking it to both Vincent and God. I told you he was smart.
GP: He may be smart, but we'll see if he's the last man standing here.
JT: Hold on a second, fans. I understand that Jesus Christ just entered the building with a barbed-wire board. And he looks pissed! Stay tuned!
GP: WhatwhatWHAT?
JT: Hardcore God, you better run!
KSZ has both Vincent and H-God up. Double Irish whip to the rope. Double duck. Vincent and H-God both plant a boot in KSZ's midsection and get him up into suplex position.
They drop him gut-first on the top rope. TV calls for something, and both men back up to the opposite side of the ring. Double dropkick.
KSZ crashes the floor.
Vincent and H-God look at each other. And chat over the possibilities.
JT: These two are going to team up against KSZ? But why?
GP: They want to eliminate KSZ. In Action! he has a great winning percentage. They must know that.
JT: Vincent and Hardcore God aren't slouches, by any means. Your theory makes no sense. You're out of order! You're FIRED!
GP: You can't fire me.
JT: Somebody get me a birthday cake full of candles. STAT.
Vincent tosses Zimmerman back into the ring. Vincent tosses KSZ to H-God and heads to the top rope. H-God lifts up KSZ for a powerbomb and walks backward a tad closer to the Sports Entertainment Icon.
Dropkick into a powerbomb and pin attempt.
One.
Two.
Th-Kickout.
H-God heads to the floor and under the ring while Vincent whips KSZ into the ropes and hits a Lou Thesz Press with a choke and Repeated Ramming Of Head Into The Mat™.
JT: The I in the IWO obviously stands for innovation.
GP: Whatever. H-God has himself a pair of kendo sticks.
JT: He tosses one to Vincent?
*SNAPSNAP*
Double kendo stick shot. Zimmerman scrambled for the floor, but found he wasn't going to make it. Vincent and H-God pulled him up to his feet.
*SNAP* Shot by H-God.
*SNAP* Shot by Vincent.
*SNAP* Shot by H-God.
*SNAP* Shot by Vincent.
*SNAP* Shot by H-God.
*SNAP* Shot by Vincent.
*SNIZZAP* Another double shot splintered H-God's stick.
But that didn't stop him from digging the splintered wood into a shiny new wound on KSZ's head. Yes, he was officially busted wide open. And it appeared hardway over his right eye, courtesy of Trey Vincent. But H-God was improving on the wound.
TV watched as H-God began pounding stiffly on KSZ's move. He was no doubt unhappy about that superkick earlier. H-God got up and went for the chair.
As H-God wedged the chair in between the top and middle rope, Vincent picks up KSZ and puts him over his shoulder. Perhaps for a snake eyes. But no. He was only waiting for H-God to get out of the way and charge.
*THUNK*
Vincent literally dove into the corner with KSZ. Vincent shoves his foe away and H-God picks him up next. By the legs at least.
Catapult time. KSZ flies head first into the steel post in the corner. Flair-flop.
Double cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-FOOT ON THE ROPE!
H-God got up and went for the chair, while TV shakes his fist at the official with his "Why-I-Oughta" motion he learned from "The Simpsons."
KSZ was, literally and figuratively, on the ropes now. H-God positions the chair and stomps it a bit flatter before recovering KSZ's soon to be unconscious body.
JT: It's The Smiting!
GP: This should finish KSZ.
JT: Vincent is letting H-God get the glory here, it looks like.
H-God's brainbuster onto the chair.
Did not connect.
KSZ landed on his feet behind H-God. Instead, H-God ended up becoming a victim of the Leaping Swinging DDT. Yes, onto the chair. And then a cover, but Vincent pulled KSZ up. Only to be caught in a tornado DDT. KSZ was back and flying all around the ring.
Throat-slash with a thumb. KSZ was heading up top.
It was time for the swan dive headbutt. The move that got the marks out of their seats and on their feet. He stood up top.
Dive!
*PLUNK*
He was met with a flying chair, which sent KSZ of course and flat on his face. The chair was thrown by H-God. And he picked KSZ up quickly.
The Smiting.
He hit all of it this time.
Cover.
No?
Vincent spun H-God around and lifted him up over his shoulder! Scrub-buster to the floor! H-God could not protect himself from that deadly fall from Vincent's overhead spinebreaker, landing on the apron with his shoulders and then the rest of him crashing to the floor.
"Holy shit." Oh yeah, there were some chants from the fans.
Vincent drags KSZ to the center of the ring and looks around.
JT: Are you ready?
GP: For what? Why isn't he pinning him.
JT: Because, stupid, it's time for the most outrageous move in sports entertainment today! The Big Time Fist Drop!
Indeed it is. Vincent bounces off Side A of the ring. Then Side B. Then Side D. And finally Side C. Thunderous punch to Zimmerman's head.
Cover!
One!
Two!
Three!
Vincent rolls off Zimmerman.
GP: He stole that pinfall, pure robbery
JT: Oh, please. The name of the game is winning. And now, Vincent is on his way to doing just that.
GP: With the rules of a three-way dance, two men must be pinned. So now, Hardcore God and Trey Vincent must dance this one out to decide who will go on to become the number one contender. But there is no rest in between falls. So Vincent is going after Hardcore God.
JT: Isn't hardcore out of style yet?
GP: I don't--
JT: I know Hardcore is out of style. But that's not what I asked. But, Vincent is making hardcore cool again, at least.
GP: Yeah. (Sarcastically) He's hardcore, he's hardcore.
Meanwhile, on the floor, Vincent slides out slowly under the bottom rope. H-God is stirring, and he sees Vincent charging out of the corner of his eye. Overhead belly to belly suplex on the floor. The crowd gasped as Vincent landed.
H-God went under the ring and found himself, yet another, kendo stick. He tosses that inside, as well as a brand new chair. He grabs a fire extinguisher next. But he wasn't going to be spraying Vincent. No, he charges at him and hits Vincent in the skull, knocking Vincent down, and possibly out.
As the referee checks on Vincent, Hardcore God goes under the ring. And pulls out...
GP: Can we show this on television?
JT: I don't know. Let the censors figure that out.
GP: Hardcore God has a metal cross. The bottom of that looks like a knife blade!
JT: Don't exaggerate. That's not...well, maybe it's not.
GP: That goes into the ring as well. There better not be anymore weapons under there.
JT: Nope. Besides that Sony Playstation 2, I doubt there is anything else.
GP: For Trey Vincent, this match must be his own "Silent Hill."
JT: Crap man, are they sponsoring us? I know the game just came out, but sheesh. Quit lobbying for a free game. And speaking of which, I sure as heck can't wait for Grand Theft Auto V!
With Vincent back in the ring, H-God follows. Irish whip to the corner. Vincent doesn't fall, but is woozy. H-God picks up the metal cross and calmly walks toward his opponent. And begins drilling the sharp bottom of the cross into Vincent's forehead!
GP: The IWO apologizes to any religious people who might be offended by the use of the cross as a weapon.
JT: Oh please. You think a crucifix was ever used for anything good?
Vincent's only escape was a poke to the eye. Vincent ripped the cross from H-God's grasp and hits him over the head with one of the horizontal sides of the cross. And again. And again.
Blood trickles down the sweaty face of the Sports Entertainment Icon as he battered Hardcore God with his own weapon. As he tries for one last shot, H-God evades it. H-God locks TV in and walks toward a chair.
DDT.
JT: EXTREEEEEEME!
GP: This should be it!
Cover on Vincent.
One.
Two.
Thre-shoulder up.
GP: Both these men have taken an amazing amount of punishment. It's obvious both men want to be at the top of the IWO.
H-God grabs his kendo stick and walks back toward Vincent. But TV gets a jolt of energy, well, at least enough to pick up a chair and toss it at H-God. He shrugs it off, but then suffered a superkick to his jaw.
JT: The Hardcore God has fallen. Welcome to the world of sports entertaiment!
GP: Vincent with the cover!
One!
Two!
Thre-No!
Vincent, on his knees, grabs hold of both of H-God's arms, then stands up and drags him into the corner. After a couple punches and stomps to H-God, Vincent positions one chair so it sits on his chest and the chair rests over H-God's face.
Vincent picked up the other chair in the ring and runs to the opposite corner. He charges at H-God!
Dropkick made of steel!
"Holy shit" piped in the crowd.
GP: Good, GOD! He's trying to destroy Hardcore God!
JT: I can't wait to see how much it will take if the action keeps up like this.
H-God is stunned and hurting, so, Vincent grabs him by both legs and lifts him up. Short powerbomb. Cover.
One.
Two.
Thre-H-God grabs a rope to break the count. Vincent shoves the now bloodied H-God heels over head and looks for a new weapon. He decides on the kendo stick this time. He walks to the corner, lifts up his left boot and taps it. Then he picks up his right boot, taps the side of that as well. He steps into position, ready to swing a kendo stick as if it were a bat.
JT: Now batting for the IWO, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, Trey, Trey, Trey, Vincent, Vincent, Vincent.
GP: Stop it.
H-God was the ball. He was up. Vincent charges. Big swing. Hit the mat. H-God off the ropes. Vincent turned round. SPEAR. SPEAR. SPEAR! And a cover to boot.
One!
Two!
Three-NO! Somehow, at the last "e" Vincent manages to lift his shoulder up off the mat.
Hardcore God drags Vincent up by the hair and leans him against the rope. Knee lift. And another. And another. And another.
JT: Man, is H-God looking for some puke.
GP: If he is, he hasn't gotten it yet.
H-God doesn't get any, not even after 10 of the shots to The Franchise Player's gut. One last kick for good luck.
Piledriver.
No cover. Instead, H-God looks to end this match. He yet again pulls up Vincent and puts him up on the top rope. It was time to bring The Wrath down on Trey Vincent. H-God hooked Vincent's arms up and pulled.
Blocked.
And Vincent bites Hardcore God on the nose!
JT: The Mike Tyson of sports entertainment lives up to his name. Eww, did he just spit a chunk of his nose out? That's gotta taste like crap.
GP: This one may not be pretty. Well, it isn't. But this is a war. And neither man is playing the part of Iraq tonight. This is power versus power. Who will prevail?
The biting was enough to get the hold dropped. Vincent stood up top and dove, grabbing hold of H-God's neck and head. Reverse bulldog from the top rope! And a cover!
One!
Two!
Thre-no. Vincent didn't have a good enough cover. Just his right arm. Not gonna do in H-God. Since he was there, and apparently needed a breather, Vincent grabs hold of H-God's right arm and roars back on it, locking in a brutal Fujiwara armbar.
Convenience doesn't mean bad though. Vincent has H-God roaring in pain. H-God isn't the type to tap out, and Vincent knew that, so getting him to submit would be just groovy.
GP: He wants to rip his arm right from his socket. And maybe break the arm too.
JT: That would be fun. Then he could beat H-God with his own arm. That'd be extreme and hardcore and stuff.
Slowly but surely, H-God's screams and roars of pain became quieter and quieter. He was going away. And not coming back. Vincent smiled at the silence. The referee raises H-God's arm.
Drops.
H-God's arm goes up a second time.
And comes back down.
There was only one last drop to go. And it'd be the longest. The hand goes up.
Goes down.
Almost hits the mat. Doesn't.
Vincent roars in anger, as H-God grabs Vincent's hair and pulls him into a sort-of cradle pin.
One.
Two.
No.
Both men were up. They stared at each other. This was about blood, sweat and gold. They charge and throw punches wildly. Vincent varies the offense with a kick to the gut.
He was going for the Glass Ceiling, his version of the pedigree. But H-God backdrops Vincent. Vincent was slow to get up. H-God steps through the ropes and waits on Vincent.
TV charges after H-God. He is met with a shoulder block to his gut.
H-God flips over the rope with a sunset-flip, but quickly frees his legs and put them on the middle rope and got a lot of his weight on top of Vincent, pinning him in a modified something-or-other position.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Ring-a-ding-ding. This one is all over.
JT: Hahaha. He cheated to win. Way to go, esse!
GP: You hate to see such an entertaining match end in this way. But, as you said, it's about winning. And tonight, Vincent became the victim, and Hardcore God the victor.
Hardcore God gets the low-down dirty win over Vincent, who can't believe he was done in by a silly sunset flip. He bangs the mat in frustration and rolls out of the ring as "Sugar" hit the system. This time, as his victory song.
He was glory-bound. Number one contender. You bet your ass.
NEXT CHAPTER: Trey Vincent in Action! Wrestling >>
©2003 John Leary |
