The Birthday Party (Gets Extreme)

[The limousine pulled to a stop, the rear door perfectly in line with the awaiting red carpet. The camera closes in on the closed tinted window, and we wait to see who has arrived. It is nighttime. A few cameras flash in the background and reflect off the black limo. Still no movement. The classically dressed driver, complete with white gloves, suit and hat, is now before the camera.

He opens the door and we see two of the nicest legs in the world. Attached to those legs is the rest of the beautiful model Taylor Thompson. She steps out, wearing black high heels and a tight black mini-dress, showing off all her leg and most of her ample chest as well with a nice cut down the middle. She turns around and out steps a man in a gray suit. Clean shaven. Black hair slicked back. He wears a black vest underneath his coat, but no tie.

The driver shuts the door and heads out of sight. The man surveys the crowd and then looks at his watch. Taylor whispers something in his ear and they lock arms and head down the carpet. Cameras are snapping. Along the red carpet is a sea of humanity on both sides. Nothing but screaming fans can be seen when the walking couple are not blinded by the flashes. Everyone is screaming out for Taylor. The man just looks around cooly.

Suddenly, their path is blocked by a tall thin woman with long brown hair with short bangs. She is wearing a backless long red dress with long slits up both sides. She is holding a microphone.]

Taylor: Holly? Didn't see you hiding behind that microphone!

Holly: (She sneers at Taylor.) Nice to see you too little miss 29-year-old.

Taylor: What can I do for you?

Holly: (She motions for a cameraman to come on over. A man does. A light goes on and Holly starts an interview by looking at the camera.) This is Holly Ryan reporting for "The Bomb," and I am at the biggest bash of the year thus far, the big celebration for soon-to-be ex-model Taylor Thompson, and I'm here with the birthday girl herself. (She turns around.) So Taylor, why are you leaving the business?

Taylor: Well, it's just gotten to the point where I've been everywhere and done everything I've ever wanted to do in the model world. I mean, I'm rich, I'm famous, I've been on hundreds of magazine covers and have been a fantasy for countless men. But now I just want to move away gracefully while I'm still on top of the game.

Holly: Um-hum. I see. So what are your plans for after modeling?

Taylor: I really don't know right now. I think the first thing I want to do is go back to college. That's the only one real regret I have. After that? I don't know. I've had offers for spots in movies, but I think for the next year I'm just going to chill out and have a life.

Holly: Um-hum. I see. I see. So who is this handsome man you're with tonight.

Taylor: This is my date, Trey Vincent.

Holly: And what do you do, Trey?

Trey: I'm a sports entertainer.

Holly: Really? So how did you two meet?

Taylor: I hate to cut this short, but I'm being beckoned (she says laughing lightly). C'mon Trey.

Trey: Nice meeting you. (He mumbles something under his breath that the camera doesn't pick up.)

Holly: What did you just call me?

[Taylor is pulling Trey inside the building. Neither one looks back at Holly, who is standing with her jaw hanging open. We cut inside...some time has elapsed, but you aren't gonna know what happened during that time because it has already elapsed and you missed it. Where were you?....

[We are now inside. Some sort of function hall. Big, wide open space, but it doesn't seem very wide open since the place is so full. In one area a dance area has been set up where handsome men in tuxedos and expensive suits passively dance with beautiful women in expensive gowns, as some crappy runway style dance music plays in the background. In another area, several couches and chairs have been arranged as if it were a hotel lobby. There, several men and women are exchanging various stories, laughing politely at each other's jokes, and, most importantly, filling up on the free booze. In another area is the bar, each stool filled by mostly men. A few women hang in the vicinity of their men. And in some cases, some men hang in the vicinity of their men and some women hang in the vicinity of their women, but that's neither here nor there. That is the modeling world after all. Actually, that whole bar appears to be the gay scene of the party.

[Moving along, another area is the food area. Every kind of food you could imagine on a table longer than some people's houses. Or several tables combined and just hidden with a long blue table cloth that hangs to the floor on all sides. Everything from lobster to steak to hamburgers to ice cream to salad to chips and dip is there to be had. The camera moves through the bodies in search of the belle of the ball, Taylor Thompson. We find her, with Trey, hanging out with a wall near the back of the party, towards the kitchen, restroom and exit area. They are huddled closely. The camera joins their conversation.]

Trey: OK, (he looks at the camera) here's the plan. Taylor's stalker is in the house, according to the guest list.

Taylor: The man you THINK is the stalker. I don't believe it's him.

Trey: Right. Well, I can't use his name since he's some sort of "celebrity" and it might get us in "trouble" (he says making the quotation marks with his fingers for said words). He's a seven-time loser and he loves models. Need I say more? Anyway, we have a plan. You ever seen the cartoon where Elmer Fudd or whoever sets up a box with a twig and then puts a carrot inside for Bugs Bunny? Well, you are looking at the sexiest carrot in the world.

Taylor: (Sarcastically) Gee and I'm not even wearing orange.

Trey: I love this look, chill. You should have worn the leather jacket though. That's irrelevant though. So, you OK with the plan?

Taylor: I guess. Did you check out the room upstairs?

Trey: Yeah. It'll do. Just don't do him unless it's with your clothes on.

Taylor: Uh, I thought it wouldn't go that far?

Trey: It won't, trust me. Now, let's mingle.

[Time passes. Trey and Taylor are at the bar.]

Taylor: Trey, this is one of my best friends in the whole world, Jackie.

[Jackie is a well-built man. He has long light blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. And, oh yeah, he's dressed up like a pirate. Did we forget to mention that? He's wearing one of those white ruffled shirts with his chest exposed, black leather pants and he's even got a parrot on his shoulder. And he's wearing a funky black pirate hat.]

Jackie: Sup, my brutha? (he says extending a hand to Trey).

Trey: (He reluctantly shakes it.) Not too much.

Jackie: Yo, Taylor, we've gots to gets together soon. You look soooo fine tonight I just might considering switching teams for one night only. Cool?

Taylor: You're so sweet. Hey, you like wrestling, don't you?

Jackie: For sho. Trey, mah man, you was off the hook Sunday night. That ref was so out of it man. He's a piece of sh*t. But man you was out their pimpin like a mofo. You like the poon, right?

[Trey is staring at Jackie, baffled.]

Taylor: Yes, he does.

Jackie: You put the beat down on that dude. Anyway, Taylor, when are you going to throw a sausage party?

Taylor: Man, all you ever think about is sex. What is wrong with you? (Taylor stares at Trey.) What?

Trey: What the f*ck did he just say?

[Jackie and Taylor both laugh at him.]

Taylor: Trey. Jackie is gay. He said he thought you were awesome on Sunday in your match. And he wanted to know if you were into chicks, which you are.

Trey: Right. I knew that.

Jackie: Y'know, that dude Prototype better step off the whole gay bashing thing, or I'm gonna come down to your next show and make a man out of his ass. He's got a sweet one too. You tell your bosses if they don't clean up the shite they put out there, me and my peeps are gonna be all over their asses and sue their balls off.

Trey: Yeah. I guess.

[Another man comes up from behind Jackie and pinches his ass. Jackie turns around and playfully smacks him on the chest. Trey rolls his eyes and Taylor puts a hand to her mouth to hide her laughter.]

Jackie: Well, me and my friend have to go dance. This is our song. Though, every song is OUR song. If ya catch my drift.

Trey: Go, drift away.

[They do. Taylor laughs and hugs Trey.]

Taylor: Did you get the symbolism?

Trey: No.

Taylor: Jackie the pirate? You ever heard the term ass or butt pirate before?

Trey: Oh. What's up with that?

Taylor: You see, gay people make fun of other people's stereotypes about them so they don't hurt. It's like turning words into a joke.

Trey: Ah, I see. Oh well. Glad I'll never have to do that.

[Their arms are still locked around each other. They stare at each other for a few seconds.]

Man's voice: Taylor?

Taylor: (Annoyed) What?

Man: (It's one of hundreds of guys dressed in a tux. He's an older gentleman with thinning white hair and a bushy beard.) This just came for you. Sorry to interrupt.

[Taylor takes the envelope. Her name is written on the front in red ink.]

Taylor: Oh that's nice. Supposed to be blood no doubt.

[She rips open the envelope and pulls out a card. A nice little greeting card. Trey and the camera read it with her. On the cover is a birthday cake and a picture of a guy with the simple question: "It's Your Birthday, Why Aren't We Naked?" The card is opened and inside, written in red, is a personal message to the birthday girl. "2nite's the nite. Cant w8 to c u try on ur b-day suit"

Static

[We're back at the party. Some time has passed since the last installment. Maybe a half-hour, it's pretty hard for you to tell, isn't it? Could be one minute, could be a whole hour or more! But you'll never know. Only I. Hahaha. Ok, seriously, let's move along. This is what Trey gets paid for. The stalker has made his move by sending Taylor Thompson a disgusting birthday card greeting with a promise for more disgusting affairs between the two. So here's what's happened.

Taylor is no longer in the main area with the dance, bar, food and hang-out areas. Before leaving, Trey and Taylor made a point to hang out for about 10 minutes near the back of the place where plenty of people could see them. Taylor then made her move and headed upstairs to become the carrot. Now, the plan is for Trey to catch the stalker before he can invade Taylor and make his sickest fantasies a reality.

Trey has been watching the only way upstairs, the staircase. A man passes by with a tray of drinks.]

Waiter: May I offer you something?

Trey: Beer is fine.

[The waiter hands Trey a bottle of beer from off his tray and walks away. He takes a nice long gulp. From behind, a man starts talking to Trey.]

Man: I know who you are.

Trey: Dude if you want to talk to me, get in front of my face.

Man: Why, can't turn around? Even for the man you're supposed to catch for Taylor?

Trey: Right.

[He spins around suddenly. Before him is a man with long curly red hair, pale skin and freckles all over his face. He's wearing a dark blue suit, a black shirt and a red tie.]

Trey: You do know your tie and your hair clash, don't you?

The Stalker?: Yes. Yes I do. But look at me. If you were as goofy looking as me, wouldn't you start stalking models?

Trey: Perhaps.

The Stalker?: Let's face it, I look like Ron Howard, if he had hair.

Trey: What is your point?

The Stalker?: I'm just explaining my motives.

[Trey suddenly looks toward the staircase. Was that someone going up? Damn it!]

Trey: You're not the stalker. You're the diverter.

[Trey shoves The Diverter aside and runs like a bastard over to the staircase. He catches a glimpse of someone reaching the top of the staircase. Trey starts up quickly, but then is tripped from behind about halfway up. It's The Diverter. He grabs Trey by the hair and rams his face into the wall, leaving a dent. Trey elbows The Diverter in the gut and DDTs him on the staircase. His head lands awkwardly and he falls down to the bottom of the case holding his skull. Trey reaches up to his forehead and discovers he has been busted open by the shot into the wall.]

Trey: That would have NEVER happened if I was wearing my winter hat!

[The Diverter is back on his feet.]

The Diverter: You are no match for us. Taylor will be ours!

[Trey runs up the rest of the staircase but The Diverter moves fast and tackles him by the legs. The two of them roll around, with The Diverter ending up on top. He punches Trey in the face but somehow Trey rolls out from under The Diverter and gets behind him. He grabs The Diverter by the hair and smashes his face onto the floor.]

Taylor's voice: Get away from me! Trey, help!

[Unfortunately, the distraction allows The Diverter enough time to recover and hit a knuckle shot to the balls.]

Trey: Holy hell, that is low!

The Diverter: I know. I play dirty.

[Trey is up on his feet and spears the man into the wall. Trey pounds the man with elbow shots to the face. He picks up a folding chair and sandwiches the Diverter's face and the wall. The Diverter falls down. Now, a bloody mess.]

Trey: Rookie.

[Trey spins around and runs down a hallway just off to the right of the staircase, running oddly, still suffering from the nut-shot. There, a door is open. Trey runs inside. There is a bed there. Taylor's shoes are on the floor. No Taylor. And no stalker. Just that open window....

Open window? Trey runs toward it and finds, a fire escape?]

Trey: Taylor!

Taylor: Trey! Help me! He's coming after me!

Trey: (He turns around and looks at the camera.) She is WAAY up there. And the stalker is climbing up after her. I've got to stop him. There's no telling what he'll do to her.

[Trey is steps out onto the fire escape. He starts climbing up the ladder and gets to a level higher. It appears the building is about 10 stories tall, and Trey is only on the second story. He makes it to the third, and now the Stalker knows he is being pursued hotly. Trey realizes the Stalker has stopped and is now waiting on him. It appears he has a baseball bat or club of some kind. As Trey reaches the fifth level, the man swings for Trey, but he ducks aside just barely and almost loses his grip on the ladder.

Trey is able to grab the man's ankle and in a calculate risk, pulls on it and he sacrifices his own body by falling about 10 feet back down to the fourth level with a crash like thunder. Both men are down. Trey moans in pain but pulls himself back to his feet. Suddenly, we hear the sound of feet on metal from below. The camera looks down and sees the Diverter has made it out, bleeding profusely from the head.

Trey sees him too. He looks up and quickly climbs the ladder to the fifth level. He grabs the bat and jumps back down to the fourth level. He screams out in pain as he lands with a crash. But he manages to drive the end of the bat right into the Diverter's face, who loses his grip on the ladder and falls back down to level three. He is motionless. Above, the Stalker is moving. It is too dark to get a good look at him, but he is wearing a white shirt.

Trey crawls to the ladder and begins climbing again with the bat under his arm. The Stalker has also decided to climb. It's a simple race now. Rung. By rung. The Stalker is at level six. Rung by rung. Trey reaches level five again. Rung, by rung. Rung by rung. Both men reach their next level simultaneously. We hear Taylor scream for Trey. And that seems to kick start him. For every rung the stalker climbs, Trey climbs two or three. He is a man possessed. As The Stalker reaches level seven, Trey is halfway there already. They meet and level eight.

The Stalker stops and faces Trey. Both men look up at the prize above them, and both look down tentatively. The Stalker is a man, probably in his late 30s. This guy is a complete tubby goof. Not really fat, but he's built, all of it around his stomach and ass. Needless to say, he is no celebrity.]

Trey: Who are you?

The Stalker: You can call me, Stalking Horse. Where is my Hatchet Man?

Trey: I took care of the Hatchet Man, or as I like to call him, The Diverter. I left him a bloody unconscious mess thanks to a wall, a steel chair and a baseball bat. And I haven't even broken a sweat yet, unlike you. (He looks up at Taylor, who is sitting on the top level, curled into a ball, looking down at both men who want her.) Only one of us is going to make it up there. The other one is going to take a nasty fall my big friend. I ain't scared. You? You're knees are knocking so loud that-

[Trey suddenly lunges at Stalking Horse, but he steps back and rams the back of his head into the ladder.]

Stalking Horse: Owww.

[Trey laughs sarcastically.]

Stalking Horse: So this is the end for one of us. I want Taylor more than I've wanted anything in my life.

Trey: Did you see the food downstairs?

Stalking Horse: Yes. But I want Taylor more than food. More than money. More than life itself. And if I can't have her, I don't deserve to live.

Trey: You want Taylor? That's too bad. There ain't nothing that's gonna stop me from saving her from your fat ass. The only question is. Do you want to go to jail? Or the morgue?

[The fight is on. Stalking Horse gets in a nice kick to the knee caps, well hell, he isn't very flexible, he ain't a sports entertainer and he sure as hell isn't Trey Vincent. But anyway, he kicked Trey's bad leg, the one he fell on as he went to finish of Hatchet Man. Trey falls down and the big man steps on Trey's throat. Trey somehow manages to wiggle free and trips Stalking Horse and puts on an ankle lock. Trey pummels the back of his head and kicks him and punches and kicks him some more. Stalking Horse is still. Trey stares down at the man and reaches into an inside jacket pocket. "Damn." He forgot the handcuffs. He looks up at Taylor.]

Taylor: Trey! (she says, her voice cracking and filled with relief and tons of emotion).

[Trey starts up. He only gets halfway up before he is yanked brutally back down to the eight level. Stalking Horse picks Trey up by the collar and drags him over to the edge of the railing. Stalking Horse grabs for Trey's leg but Trey pokes him in the eye. The big man backs up.]

Stalking Horse: You blinded me! Oh my God! I'm half-blind! You!

[Stalking Horse screams and comes charging. Trey ducks and nails a drop toe hold which sends the big man chin first onto the rail with a very loud crack. Trey scrambles away from the edge and back toward the ladder, not taking his eyes of Stalking Horse, who somehow is back on his feet. Blood is gushing from his mouth. He gurgles something out, but then suddenly loses his balance and tips over backwards and falls over the railing! Taylor screams. Trey stares at the empty fire escape in shock. He then crawls over to the edge and looks down. He puts a hand to his mouth and mumbles something under his hand.

He gets back up. He takes one last look down and then looks up. He climbs up to the ninth level slowly, by determined, rung by rung, and then up to level 10. Taylor is curled up into a ball against the side of the building. Trey crawls over to her and pulls her against him. Before he can embrace her, she kisses him fully on the lips.

Trey has won. But at what price?

They embrace and she cries into his aching shoulder. We fade out.]

NEXT CHAPTER: U.S. F'n A. >>

©2001 John Leary