No rest for the best

Minneapolis Today column

By Trey Vincent
EWS Sports Entertainment Superstar

I told you so.

What do Endurance, Crush, Yokashi, Prototype and Da Thug all have in common? I've beaten them all. In less than a month, I said I would beat these men, and I did it. And now I am the EWS European Champion.

What did Trey Vincent do at "A Cold Day In Hell"? What he always does. He carried lower quality sports entertainers and gave them a match of a lifetime, a highlight film quality match. Granted, I was all the highlights. I beat them all and now they know what it means to be the best sports entertainer today. It means you have to be better than Trey Vincent, the EWS Franchise Player.

But there is no rest for the best. You see, when you're as good as I am, you're in constant demand. Unfortunately, I've had to put my private investigation job temporarily on the backburner. But I'm the best at that and I will return to it once I get a few things settled.

Also this week, EWS asked me to talk to some kids they're training to become hardcore bush-leaguers. They wanted me to teach them how to cut a promo, but all EWS fans saw the results. It wasn't pretty. They resorted to gay jokes and all sorts of cheap insults that Trey Vincent would NEVER resort to.

And now Trey Vincent has some "heat" backstage with the boys. For comments I didn't make but allowed to air. But that's fine. It goes with the territory of being the most outrageous sports entertainer of them all. You take the good with the bad. Trouble always seems to find me.

Now, onto new business. A lot happened at "A Cold Day In Hell." But it all pales in comparison to my five-star match. So, we'll skip it. And move along to this Sunday when "Bedlam" returns to the air.

I have been booked to sports entertain with Shawn Striker. Shawn has been dissing the Franchise Player. I don't know why. He says I'm boring and that I ramble on and on in my interviews.

Shawn, that's what all the Trey Vincent sports entertainment fans demand. See, you being just a bush league hardcore nobody could never understand what it's like to be as famous as the Sports Entertainment Icon.

Here is yet another supposed amazing performer who cannot cut a promo without relying on a little scrub interviewer to do all his thinking for him. While he is being interviewed, Trey Vincent has his OWN NEWSPAPER COLUMN.

You think you impress the Franchise Player by being undefeated in the EWS. Have you looked at the roster? I've seen the guys you've beaten. What EVER!

Now, Shawn Striker has the same problem most people in this federation have, very low IQs. They don't seem to understand what Trey Vincent is doing when he does it.

Shawn Striker is so dumb he thinks that I coached those kids at the training facility to insult him. Shawn, those guys and chicks were pathetic. Perhaps you failed to pick up on the whole point of that day. It was to teach them HOW to cut a promo. But none of them are ever going to be in my league, so why bother? That promo showed the difference between amateurs and sports entertainers, which is exactly what I am.

What should I do? What would be a captivating interview Shawn? Hmm? Talking to a reporter at the arena where the event is going to take place? Why the hell are you there? Don't you have a life? The show isn't until Sunday. Go home. Meet some chicks. Drink some beer. Do something! You're so damn boring.

This idiot also thinks that I'm going to have amateurs wrestle for me. But Shawn, buddy, none of them are the European Champ. They are dark match material. Well, some of them could beat you, in a week or so, but not yet. They ain't ready to sports entertain with the best.

He insulted one of the girls. He told her, and I quote, to "shut your mouth, go train to become a wrestler, and then JUST MAYBE I will listen to what you have to say." Can we change your name to John D'oh? How dumb are you? I told you that those eight kids were there to get trained so one day they may be able to sports entertain.

If you can't follow words, how in the hell are you gonna deal with me in the ring? I have proven every time out that I have no equal in sports entertainment.

Here is a guy called Shawn Striker who now thinks that I am the man behind the gay jokes. Shawn, if you knew anything about me, you'd know how much I despise gay jokes. Did you not notice that after my SARCASTIC "Cape Fear"-style laughter, I beat the crap out of the guy who said that? You didn't, did you?

Da Thug, Endurance and Prototype learned what happens when they resorted to gay remarks. They ended up losing. And what's funny is that now all of their fans think they've lost to a gay man. I have to laugh when I think of that.

Man, I hope you watch tapes of my matches as closely as you watch my interviews. Because I can just use my regular arsenal of sports entertainment moves and won't have to try any new stuff.

He thinks I don't take being a champion seriously? Gee, what should I do? Drive around the country and take pictures with yokels in Ohio? Have sex with the belt? Worship the belt?

To win my title, I won a scaffold ladder match. I risked my career. I survived a 20-foot fall from a scaffold to the ring below but I grabbed the title and held onto it the whole time.

Do you truly think a normal match worries me? With you! Sorry, no. When I want something, I get it. And once I get it, I keep it as long as I want it.

I don't have to step up my game for anyone in this federation, especially you. You claim to be the future franchise of EWS. Once again, another nobody rips off THE EWS Franchise Player Trey Vincent.

For weeks, I have told all the Trey Vincent fans that I am everyone's television champion. Last Sunday I became a double champion as European Champion. And since day one I have proved that I am the EWS Franchise Player.

But this Sunday, I have big plans. I promised when I got here that I would raise this lowly hardcore fed up to a new level. Step one begins this Sunday. We will at last have a champion to be proud of.

Striker, Sunday, you are stepping into a brand new world. And it's going to be the absolute last time you visit that world. You are going to leave my world as a loser. Because that's how everyone leaves my world.

I told you I'd win the European Title. And Striker, I'm telling you this: I'm keeping my European Title. The only way you could hold this title is if it was renamed to the You're A Peon Title. That is the only title you could legitimately hold.

Later.

Editor's note: Minneapolis native Trey Vincent is a sports entertainment superstar with the Extreme Wrestling Scene and can be seen weekly on their Sunday night show "Bedlam." He is also a private investigator. The opinions expressed in this column are those only of Trey Vincent and not this paper. His column will appear here weekly. Email Trey Vincent at: booker_j_2000@hotmail.com.

NEXT CHAPTER: Investing In The Future (Or Preparing To Sports Entertain Like Never Before This Sunday) >>

©2001 John Leary