U.S. F'n A.

Minneapolis Today Column

By Trey Vincent
EWS Sports Entertainment Superstar

Before we begin, a little song for all my friends in the U.S.

F*** the Middle East
There's too many problems
They just get in the way
We sure could live without them
They hijack our planes
They raise our oil prices
We'll kill them all and have a ball
And end the f***ing crisis
BEIRUT, LEBANON - won't exist once we're done
LIBYA, IRAN - we'll flush the bastards down the con
SYRIANS AND SHITES - crush their faces with our might
Then ISRAEL and EGYPT can live in peace without these d***s
-S.O.D.: "Fuck The Middle East" from "Speak English Or Die" (1985)

A truly great song. Sadly, this country's enemies all seem to be in the Middle East. Now, some of you I'm sure have looked into this situation in great detail. I've only begun to scratch the surface, looking for an answer to 'why?' What I have as an answer is not good.

The main suspect: Osama Bin Laden.

Now, before I go on, let me remind you, I am not a journalist. I am not a politician. I'm just a sports entertainer. My opinions are worthless in the big picture, but everyone wants to know what Trey Vincent thinks of this tragedy.

Is he guilty? Irrelevant. Read what he teaches his followers. Bin Laden has issued what are called fatwas (judgments) to justify a holy war (or Jihad) against America and our allies. Just read what it says and think about if for a second before I continue:

"The ruling to kill the Americans and their allies -- civilians and military -- is an individual duty for every Muslim who can do it in any country in which it is possible to do it...

"We -- with God's help -- call on every Muslim who believes in God and wishes to be rewarded to comply with God's order to kill the Americans and plunder their money wherever and whenever they find it. We also call on Muslim ulema, leaders, youths, and soldiers to launch the raid on Satan's U.S. troops and the devil's supporters allying with them, and to displace those who are behind them so that they may learn a lesson."

Do you understand what this means? Bin Laden is telling his followers that we are Satan, that our country is hell. He has made people believe it is God's work to kill Americans.

And people believe him. That is the scariest part of all.

But the truth is, Bin Laden is more like Satan than this country is.

In hell, would thousands of people volunteer after a tragedy, offering to help dig through wreckage to find survivors? In hell, would thousands show up to donate blood, and not complain despite waits of five hours? In hell, would men go into a burning building to save lives, knowing the building may crush them? In hell, would strangers come together for a greater good? In hell, would the leaders be patient and find the proof of who was behind the attack instead of attacking without just cause?

I think you can answer those questions.

Here are some more though. In hell, would people be cheering in the streets after learning of the deaths of as many as 50,000 people? In hell, would the leaders praise an act of cowardly terrorism? In hell, would a leader promise an "unprecedented attack" against the United States within two weeks? In hell, would a man coordinate one of the most twisted, evil plans in the history of this planet, one which would see the hijacking of four planes with deadly weapons that can easily be smuggled onboard, the teaching of trained assassins at our own flight schools, the booking of flights full with thousands of gallons of fuel, with four targets, the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and (supposedly) the White House or Air Force One?

We are a strong country. Most of us are not screaming for revenge. But we will find out who has done this and they will pay.

But it has been said that if we shut down out of fear, terrorism has won. With that in mind, do not condemn the EWS for not further postponing its pay-per-view "A Cold Day In Hell" this Sunday. Life has to continue, even if its with a bunch of characters trying to hurt each other enough to win titles or matches that in the greater scheme of things are not important at all.

But for sports entertainment fans who want to escape the horror for 2 or 3 hours, let them. Sports entertainment is one of the greatest joys of this great country. Order our show and we will put on a show that will hopefully make everyone forget about death and destruction.

The EWS never disappoints its fans. And Sunday, we're not only going to put on matches for ourselves and for our fans, but for everyone who has died. But most importantly, for this country's future. Will all our heads be in the game? Probably not entirely.

But every sports entertainer on the card will be a symbol of this great country moving forward and continuing on with our lives. This doesn't make us heroes, because the heroes are all in New York and Washington and in Heaven. It just makes us Americans. We are strong. We are brave. We're not going to let cowards stop us from living.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And I think everyone in the world who truly has a heart or a conscience is stronger today.

Later.

Editor's note: Minneapolis native Trey Vincent is a sports entertainment superstar with the Extreme Wrestling Scene and can be seen weekly on their Sunday night show "Bedlam" and Sept. 16 on pay-per-view at "A Cold Day In Hell." He is also a private investigator. The opinions expressed in this column are those only of Trey Vincent and not this paper. His column will appear here weekly. Email Trey Vincent at: booker_j_2000@hotmail.com.

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