The TV Show 4: Joe Black

Pressure Point 65
June 23, 2003
Writers: John Leary & Ben "Pants" Morrow

The cameras focused in on the ring. Instead of a mat, there was a forest green carpet and a late night TV show looking desk. It was time for the coolest heel on the planet to return to the airwaves and deliver some entertainment value that is sorely lacking from the roster.

The ReedYoungTron! lit up with a television showing static. It was then blasted with a sledgehammer and green light came out like water, filling the screen. The TV Show rolled across the screen as "Big Ego's" by Dr. Dre hit.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the TV Show, starring Trey Vincent. Tonight, Trey welcomes Joe Black!"

Boos.

"Tonight, featuring Hate Mail! And now, the man who made fucking in the bushes famous, the biggest star in Action! and the entire sports entertainment world, Treeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy, VINCENT!"

Trey got a good ovation from the crowd as the man of the moment stepped out, tonight clad in a TV Will Keep You Up All Night T-shirt and black leather pants.

He stood at the top of the stage for a moment.

"Hello everyone, and welcome to the entertainment portion of the evening. What's in the news. Who gives a fuck?" Nice laugh on that one. "Let's get to the show already."

The camera went to the crowd, and the many TV signs in the crowd. TV Is God. I Watch TV. I Wanna Be On TV. TV Is My Dad. Leno Fears TV. Letterman Fears TV. Conan Fears TV. Kreggers Fears TV. Then, to the ring, Trey was at his desk, sitting in his black leather chair.

"Well, this is different. OK, my first guest tonight will be the star of the movie, Meet Joe Black. Lord knows why he just started promoting it now. Here is, Joe, Black!"

Joe Black smirked.

"Har. Har. Har. Har har har. My only remark about that film, is that were it actually about me, it wouldn't have sucked," Joe Black said.

"I suppose. Alright, my first question, somebody told me you're related to Rook Black. Is there any truth to that?" Vincent wondered, while reading the question from his cue card.

"Rook sucks, let's move along," Rook's father said.

"Which brings me to my next question. Are you actually *IN* Action? I mean, I've heard of my first three guests. Joe Black. Who is Joe Black anyhow? You are not a name? Who booked this guy? Your thoughts?" Trey Vincent questioned.

Joe Black leaned back into the studio style chair, "I've never heard of you, so I guess that makes us even, doesn't it? Well, to clear that up, I'm *in* Action Exclamation Mark, just by the fact that I'm sitting in this chair across from you. As for how often I'll be competing in that ring, that'll be decided by the circumstances. I can tell you one thing's for certain, and that's that I don't need to be competing in the ring considering the skills and talents of my stablemates of Wrestling 101."

"Oh, that's just outrageous, now. Everybody knows Trey Vincent. Don't try to be shocking here. Alright, so you're in that 101 group then, are you. Why don't you tell all my viewers why you aren't in the cool world of sports entertainment? Why aren't you Sports Entertainment 101 instead of that other, less old-school style of name? Everybody knows that sports entertainment is the future, and you guys believe in the past. I guess you guys don't even like Gravy Bowl matches. What's your deal?

Joe laughed out loud at Trey, enjoying the interview in spite of his grumpy exterior, he smiled as he leaned forward to explain.

"The basic precedent that we're working from is that the entertainment aspect of the industry has dominated the wrestling aspect. I have, and have always had actually, a problem with that. I was pleasantly surprised to discover this group of young men who held similar views to mine about that. Wrestling 101 is about the fact that we are all fans and practitioners of the wrestling art first and foremost. The group of guys that we have here are absolutely the best in this business regarding that. So we have the talent, and now that we have the necessary stroke around here, we can educate the viewing population in what they ought to be watching, the best, most exciting, most compelling wrestling they could hope to see. This process of educating the ignorant sports entertainment marks, is precisely why this is wrestling 101."

"I want to bring up three letters to you. W. C. W. Now, there was a fed that had no entertainment," Trey continued on, completely dumbfounded by this new....outrage. "In the days of 2 feds in the '80s, they were number 100. Especially without Ric Flair. People wrestled. Nobody gave a shit. Nobody watched their shows. So isn't it true, your group trying to return this federation into the dark ages? This just baffles me!"

Joe laughed and shook his head at Trey Vincent.

"Whoa, hold on tiger. I'm not suggesting that entertainment isn't significant or important. Entertainment has brushed the wrestling to the side. We're restoring that balance of both. The Flying Frenchie, God Bless his Frenchie Soul, easily embodies the type of man who can do both effortlessly, entertaining and providing the wrestling action that we love so much. Furthermore I'd just like to add that the Flying Frenchie is infinitely better than that sloppy chump, R.V.D."

"Ah yes, the Flying Frenchie. A man who was a backup player to Ric Chronos in the fWo. That's impressive. What interest is he of yours anyhow?" Vincent wondered.

Joe Black deadpanned. "As the newest member of Wrestling 101, he brings so much to Action! that I couldn't begin to beat you over the head with your ignorance for lack of time. And as for Ric Chronos, everyone knows that the man doesn't actually exist but is a computer generated image superimposed in his matches. The actual Ric Chronos is a 12 inch action figure. But I'm digressing, let's talk more about Wrestling 101, shall we? Good. Next question."

"Ric Chronos is only 12 inches tall? Wow. His dick must be tiny," Trey Vincent said, getting totally distracted from where this interview was supposed to be going. "Wait a second. Are you saying that the Flying Frog is a member of your silly little stable? What a scoop for me!"

Joe Black politely golf clapped his appreciation for Trey Vincent's wit. "Yes. Trey. Well done."

"Alright then. My final thoughts for you is this. If ever, you had the opportunity to watch a Trey Vincent match, you would jizz yourself. Because your little group may think they know what is entertaining in this industry, but I know the secret to entertainment." Trey sat back in his chair and put his feet on his desk.

Joe rolled his eyes.

"Would I jizz myself? Trey, how do you cope with the fact that someone like Keith Scott Zimmerman is half your age and already is capable of performing better than you could potentially dream about? KSZ is also better than Kurt Angle. Why are you of any importance at all, when someone like Jeff Garvin has brought his family's name to new glory in all his accomplishments? Jeff is also better than Bret Hart on his best day teleported through a time capsul. How are you gong to cope with Chris Chambers, when he ends his losing streak over someone like you? Because Chris Chambers, is better than you."

"Very simple. Yes, you would jizz yourself. Zimmerman is ugly, and I didn't know he was only 12. If you think he's better than Action! Man you're in a fantasy world," Trey said, getting a pop from the crowd. "Garvin's name. How impressive. I can stomp my foot too, here, watch this," Trey said, getting up on the desk. STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!" getting a great reaction from the crowd.

"And my man, Bret Hart?" Trey continued. "He had five moves. Who ISN"T better than him? Chris Chambers loses? Is that what I heard? So, you've got an ugly smark, a descendent of a guy with a foot and a loser. You are quite the impressive group. Let me just tremble in fear and pee my pants under the desk." Trey started to move, but, "Nah, piss on that idea. Piss on you and your group of nobodies."

He paused, but had one thing to add.

"Any time, bitch, bring them on!" Trey challenged.

Joe Black stood up.

"Aha, you got some laughs there, Trey. Very nice. Very entertaining. Now wouldn't it be entertaining if my crew came down and Jeff stomped your head in? I'd think it'd be entertaining. But Trey, this was a lovely interview. I don't want to ruin it. When you want a piece of Wrestling 101, we'll call you up someday when you actually matter."

At this Joe Black disconnected his microphone and left the set. After Joe was gone, Trey waited for a moment. Then he pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"That was sweet. My first walk-off. Before I go, I promised some hate mail on last week's show. So let me quickly get through this stuff. Letter number one. What? You wanted focused entertainment featuring sports entertainers? Please. This is MY show.

"Letter number one. Die Trey, Die. Just die, Trey, die. I want you to be dead Trey. Die, die, die. Die dead! Death to you. Die, die, die! DIIIIIIEEEEEEEE! Wow. Somebody has anger issues. Let's see who wrote this. Lance Knight? Aww, Lance. I'm so glad to hear from you. No need to envy my success though.

"Letter number two. Let's go get drunk!! Come to NY, bro!. Signed, Paul Levine. Now, this is a man who speaks my language. Not exactly hate mail, but, there wasn't a whole lot of hate mail this week. Everybody loves the TV Show. And I love all of you.

"And finally. This came into my hate mail e-mail account, which is you@suckmycock.com. It says. Try, u rulerz, whazttp? LOLZ. Qwnta joi myz fed? Signed Jason Winters? What the hell? Yeah, bring that place back for the fifth time. Alright. Well, that's all we got for tonight. For that loser and his group of losers, this is Trey Vincent saying, good night, and keep those ratings up to see some boobies at a pay-per-view!"

NEXT CHAPTER: The TV Show 5: Conrad Ramsey >>

©2003 John Leary