The TV Show 1: LLB

Pressure Point 62
June 2, 2003
Writers: John Leary & Roland

And here it was. Moments from a radical change. Finally, the stars have aligned just correctly enough so that one of the sports entertainment outlaws could make his way into the almighty Action! As the crowd waited for more great action from the company with the same name, the opening beats of a song began to play.

A song not used by any current Action star. Or past. The song: "Big Ego's." The artist: Dr. Dre.

On the ReedYoung!Tron, came a few words flying around in big green letters.

The.

TV.

Show.

Didn't mean much to the fans, until a certain fellow stepped out from backstage. Then, there was a pretty good pop from those fans who knew of the man, the icon, the franchise player.

Trey Vincent.

Then an announcer's voice was heard. "It's The TV Show, with your host, Trey Vincent! Tonight, Trey welcomes LLB! And now, heeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrre's, TREY!"

IWO. XW, PIW. LCW Evo, jOlt, EWS. MEW. *Shiver* Weimer knows. ;^). And BOB. Yes, BOB! A man legendary for beer drinking. Women banging. Shooting. Lying. Cheating. Being an asshole. Being a sleaze. Sexist. And a whole bunch of other loving qualities. A man blackballed from certain feds because he has an opinion. A man who enjoys being fired just as much as running a federation deep into the dirt.

Vincent slowly walked down the aisle, staring around at the crowd with his trademark cocky smile. He wore an I Wanna Be On TV T-shirt. He climbed up onto the apron and stared at the crowd. He had what many call his most dangerous weapon in his hand.

A microphone.

He stepped inside the ring and headed toward a table. Yes, the typical type you would powerbomb somebody through. He sat at a leather chair and soaked up the crowd as shuffled some papers around. Basically, this was a low-budget late night show set. Just imagine if David Letterman or Jay Leno had about $300 for his set.

Get it?

Alright then, moving on. Vincent began talking into a microphone on the desk.

"It's a damn good thing Joey Malone left Action, or else this federation would be collapsing in upon itself right now," Vincent said.

The crowd gave a mixed response. A bit of a pop for the now retired Action megastar. A bit of boos for Vincent being thankful Malone is gone. They didn't get the joke. They didn't know about the SWL, a federation Malone and Vincent were both signed to. A fed that closed before it even opened. Not to mention jOlt Season One. In come Malone and Vincent, the fed closes (temporarily) after just a couple of weeks.

Oddly, not too long after a Joey Malone vs. Trey Vincent match.

That's pretty much where the coincidences end. Guess we'll never know about Action unless Malone comes back. Action would be incredibly doomed.

"First of all, I'd like to introduce myself to those unlucky enough to have never seen Trey Vincent before. So Action fans, meet Trey Vincent," he said with a wave to the crowd. "Nice to meet you all. I've been in a rather bit of, well, hell, for the last six months of my career or so. *Cough*brawlersonabudget*cough*. Not to mention XW.

"I've quit sports entertaining. I'm here to just, flat out, entertain all the TV viewers. This is the first ever edition of the TV Show. I'm glad you could join me tonight. Now…what's in the news. How about those tornadoes that have ruined everyone's lives there. Very sad."

Trey paused, waiting for the laugh. He got it. The lack of joke made a few laugh.

"I had a nice speech all prepared for my big comeback here, but my dog ate it."

A few chuckles from the crowd.

"Man, you can tell I'm horny. I was so horny, I took my private jet out to Las Vegas to visit my favorite whorehouse, ya dig? So, I get to the front door, and there's a sign hung up. It says, beat it, we're closed."

The crowd roared with laughter. Not in reality, but in Trey's mind, at least. There were some good laughs, but not as loud as in Trey's head, for sure.

"I know I'm getting conceited. The another night, I was banging this chick, and I was screaming out my OWN name, BWAHAHAHAHA. Because I am, very good like that."

Some more pretty good laughs. Though they came to a wrestling show, not expecting this sort of thing. You do remember that Eric Bischoff WCW show, don't you? You know the one you flipped off because it sucked.

"Anyway. I'd like to say fuck you to a couple of people. They are Roddy Piper and Chris Jericho. Piper's Pit sucks. The Highlight Reel sucks. If you want a good interviewer, you come to Trey Vincent. Because TV = ratings.

"Alright. My first guest tonight. Is a man I know from way back in jOlt. A man who has done everything in this company except sleep with Reed Young. A man who has more men flat on their backs than women."

"OJBECTION!" the crowd roared out.

"Hey, that's a fact. Alright. Here he is, LLB."

Trey stood up and began clapping as "Innocent" hit and out walked LLB. Yep. The brand new Action! champion himself. He received a great pop from the crowd and headed down to the ring.

Vincent extended his hand as LLB entered the ring. LLB accepted it and both men took their seats.

"LLB! LLB!" the crowd roared out for the 'franchise' of Action. The judge, jury and executioner. He raised his title in triumph before taking a seat. The crowd, eventually, quieted down.

"LLB. Welcome. It's an honor to have you here. So, the question first and foremost on everyone's mind, what are your thoughts about Trey Vincent being in Action?"

The crowd chanted "Objection!" with a bit of a laugh, as Trey said that with tongue firmly in cheek, and even LLB had to have a laugh at the line.

"You do realize that you're talking to the new, Action Champion, right?" LLB asked with a smile.

"You do realize you're talking to the reigning and defending Sports Entertainment Icon. It's been a while, B. How's stuff been. Last time Trey Vincent saw you, it was in jOlt. No offense to Action, or anything. I've just been busy. Glad to see you finally got to hold a title that wasn't morally correct."

"Well, Trey, this is the second time I've been the Action champion. And how many world titles have YOU won?"

Crowd. Pop.

"Objection!" Trey roared out.

"Erection!" the crowd roared back before cheering wildly at the exchange.

"One show in, and I'm already losing control of my own segment. Lovely. Well, LLB, Jim Johnson told me if I ever run into you, to tell you that HE made you and you better never forget it. And he also said Reed Young is a Jimmy ripoff. Anyhow."

"You know Trey. I was also the PIW Champion five times. I've had more championships than I've forgotten about."

"That's nice. I have one or two title reigns I'd *like* to forget. So. At Nuggerjaut II."

"Objection!" LLB said, getting a pop from the crowd. "It's Juggernaut II."

"Whatever."

"That's our wrapup show."

The crowd laughed at LLB, standing verbally toe to toe with Vincent.

"How would you like to be blackballed from the TV Show forever?"

LLB started to say something, but—

"That's right. You wouldn't. Well, let Trey Vincent just tell you that it is so GREAT, that you beat that retard Chris Fox. The only thing BIG TIME in Action now, is Trey Vincent. It's great to see you are on the rebound. I mean, hell, for a guy who could never even beat erØn, that's quite impressive. That was quite an errØnneus conclusion, indeed. Hell, you might as well start defending that belt against people from the burn unit, kids in kindergartners, or people from the fWEo!"

"Now, Trey—"

Cut off again.

"I would like to reveal something about LLB tonight. For the first time. LLB. I hate to do this man. But. Fans. LLB is not a real lawyer."

The crowd BURST out in laughter. As did LLB.

"I guess, you missed Blood, Sweat & Tears. And Pressure Point 50."

"I guess I did," Trey Vincent said, sounding like Jerry Seinfeld for just those four words. "Well, I see we're running short on time, no offense, LLB."

LLB cocked an eyebrow, not getting what Trey Vincent just said.

"Oh, right, you don't like 'short' jokes. My bad. Alright. I'd like to thank all my viewers from tuning in tonight. And for myself, this is Trey Vincent saying, fuck the Law!"

That's when Trey Vincent sprinted the hell out of the ring, knocking over his chair in the process. He was halfway up the aisle before LLB got up and stared up at his old buddy from jOlt. A man who had walked a similar path as LLB. Without half the success.

But a man who had made quite a debut.

LLB's music hit again and he celebrated with the fans who chanted and roared for him.

NEXT CHAPTER: The TV Show 2: KroW >>

©2003 John Leary