Angels and Devils

Pressure Point 80
Oct. 27, 2003
Starring: Three Angels, Two Devils, One Jezebel and Coral Avalon
Writer(s): Mike Renner & John Leary

Adam Nowell walked down the halls of the Cow Palace, still reeling from his odd encounter with Max Danger, his wife, and Leigh Landers. He still hadn't succeeded in actually meeting someone competent in charge, and that worried the man who had spent the last year working in an organization that had Sphere in charge.

Things weren't about to get much better, either.

"Excuse me," a female voice asked from behind him. "Do you have a banana I could borrow?"

Nowell stopped dead in his tracks for some reason.

"I KNEW it was that idiot from the fWEo," a man said. Nowell spun around to see Trey Vincent with "Carolina Young," the woman who was pretending to be Reed Young's daughter and the woman TV had almost married last week. "Adam Nowell. I know you remember me. I'll never forget that day the three of us had in the trailer. Me. You. Norm from 'Cheers.'"

"We were all trying to forget about You-Know-Who." Nowell said, with a knowing nod.

"Ah yes, that little bitch. Good times, good times. Anyhow. It's funny you of all people should show up in Action now. There is some little scrub running around Action, stealing your gimmick. You know, the 'Angel' gimmick thing. Have the Powers-That-Beat-Off sent you?"

"HELL no." Nowell said, "I came here to get the hell away from the fWEo and Sphere and John Rocker. And by the way, I'm not freaking Angel already. Sheesh."

That's when John Rocker walked up behind Nowell. "Hey."

Nowell did a double take.

"Oh, God dammit." Nowell said, throwing up his arms in a 'this cannot possibly get any worse' type of way. Then he made the cardinal sin of actually saying it, "This cannot possibly get any worse, can it?"

That's when David Flair and Kurt Angel turned the corner, adding to the already crowded hallway. Flair did a double take, looking at Angel, and then looking at Nowell. "Whoo! Two Angels? This looks like a mystery to be solved by a Rogue Commentator. I'm theorizing that a jobber with a gun must have split Angel into two halves. One half with all the attributes of a champion. The other half all with the attributes of a jobber."

Angel stared at Nowell.

"He doesn't look a thing like me. Why are you calling him Angel? I'm Angel."

Nowell glared at David Flair.

Then he punched him in the face based on the general principle that HE IS DAVID FLAIR. Flair went flying across the room, slammed into the wall, and passed out.

Then Nowell casually adjusted his trenchcoat, "Sorry, that guy just bothers me."

Of course, at this moment in time, a third Angel chanced upon this encounter and frowned upon seeing both Kurt Angel and Adam Nowell together.

That individual, Coral Avalon, sulked and sighed to himself in his usual taciturn manner, "Well, crap. And I thought I was gonna be the only guy going as Angel this year."

Vincent chuckled. "That's why I went the original route this year." Vincent pointed to a little "Hello, My Name Is" sticker on his Trey Vincent Is God T-shirt. Apparently, Vincent was going as God this year.

"Golly. I had no idea I was going to be such a popular Halloween costume this year. Though, Mr. Nowell, you should be dressed in white. Because I'm a good guy and all. And Mr. Avalon. Same for you. No need to sulk. You're dressed up as me! How can there be anything to sulk about there?"

"He's not dressed up as you, God-boy," Rocker said. The disgraced pitcher, who was dressed up as a Florida Marlins pitcher, then turned his attention to Adam Nowell. "So, Angel, I moved on. Just because you fire me doesn't mean I'm gonna become like some 20-year-old Spanish chick, popping out kids to get more welfare checks. I've moved on. But what happened to you? You not good enough to help the helpless anymore? We were supposed to save the souls of good, hard-working white folks and let the other dogs all grovel at our feet."

"Dammit, Rocker, you told me to save puppies, not souls. Don't you even remember your own freaking mythos any more?" Nowell said to Rocker, with a glare. Then he turned his head to Kurt Angel, "And you, you look like a piece of fruit and I'm supposed to look like you?" Nowell shouted, before he turned his head to Coral Avalon, who was, of course, greatly confused with everything that's gone on in this segment so far, "AND YOU! ......Oh, wait, you're not an idiot, are you?"

"Not at the last time I checked, no." Avalon said.

"Well, just don't show idiot-like qualities and I'll let you keep all thirty-two of your teeth." Nowell said.

"Duly noted." Coral said, sarcastically.

"I think everyone just needs to calm down, smoke a doobie and drink some Hawaiian Punch," Angel...uh, Kurt Angel said.

"It's too late for that now, Angel," Vincent said, before re-thinking. "Wait..."

"Puppies, souls, what does it matter?" Rocker said to Nowell. "It's obvious when the Powers-That-Beat-Off called you, it was a wrong number. So why don't you just go put on a wifebeater, some ripped jeans and listen to some rap music, you puppiless, jobless piece of jobless crap!"

Nowell punched Rocker right in the face, sending him flying into the same wall that he had just punched Flair in.

"You know, beating the hell out of jobbers has never felt so gratifying before." Nowell said with a slight smirk, then he turned to acknowledge Trey Vincent, "I know I hate to be referred to as Angel and all, but were you saying something to me?"

Vincent looked at Angel, er, Adam Nowell. "As sure as I am that's a rubber stake in your pocket, I'm sure you want to seriously hurt this wimpy Angel," Vincent said, pointing to Kurt Angel. "He's making a mockery out of everything you accomplished in the fWEo." Trey paused, trying to think of something Nowell had accomplished, but since he really didn't follow the shows, he couldn't remember anything. "Anyway. And YOU," Vincent said pointing to Avalon. "Doesn't Kurt Angel just annoy you? Wouldn't you rather he went back to, oh, I don't know, HELL? Wouldn't you like to make him really, purely, perfectly unhappy. Perhaps with an insult. Or a punch to his genitals?"

"Which one's Kurt Angel, again?" Coral asked.

That statement, of course, infuriated someone. Unfortunately for Trey Vincent, that happened to be Adam Nowell, "HIM! It's THAT loser over there!"

Nowell pointed frantically at Kurt Angel.

"Oh. Then no, no, I don't wish him to hell." Coral said.

"Well let me tell you how this is all going to play out, Angel. Nowell already hates you. I can tell just by the look on his face."

"Oh, that's not nice, Mr. Vincent," Kurt Angel responded, looking at Nowell. "Just because Angel is a little funny looking, there's no need to get personal. Granted, he has the thing with the big, Neanderthal forehead, but, looks aren't everything."

"What is with people saying that I have a massive forehead?" Coral asked, still maintaining some manner of in-characterness since he's supposed to be Angel this year and all.

"Not you, idiot. Me." Nowell said, before he turned to Kurt Angel, "So, do you want to join your friends in sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious now, or what?"

"Whoa, big fella," Kurt Angel said. "You do see what Vincent is trying to do to us, right? He's trying to turn us all against each other. Vincent. Paranoia tactics won't destroy the Angelses. I think maybe it's time for me to find a way to exorcise you from my life." Kurt Angel stormed off. Vincent looked at Avalon, then Nowell.

"Hey! How about we put him into a big box and drop him in the ocean?" Vincent asked with glee.

"I'm for that." Nowell said, looking at contempt at Kurt Angel, "How about you?"

"I'll pass. I've got souls to save... or, um, matches to prepare for." Coral said, with a grumble, "Besides, isn't it kind of taboo for the main event talent to be interacting with the comedy talent?"

"I am not comedy talent!"

"I'll say," Vincent said, laughing, almost in an out-of-character way.

"Don't you start, Vincent! I will kick your ass from here to the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge!" Nowell threatened.

"Yeah, I'll just leave you two lovebirds alone." Coral said with a laugh, before he exited in the opposite direction that Kurt Angel has stormed off to.

"Alright, we're not going to solve our mutual problem by fighting each other. We need a plan. A heelish plan. Something particularly nasty that will hurt Kurt Angel a lot. Something that will make him lose his puppy and leave Action forever. Let's go brainstorm in my room. I have kegs of beer there."

"I like this idea." Nowell said, with some degree of surprise.

NEXT CHAPTER: Honeymoon In Hell >>

©2003 John Leary