The Wedding Schemer
Pressure Point 79
Oct. 20, 2003
Starring: Trey Vincent, Reed Young, A Priest, A Rabbi, Carolina Young & Kurt Angel
Writer: John Leary
The ring was not made into the wedding area. Instead, there was a little stage area off to the right. The stage was covered with a white carpet. Flowers of all colors were arranged overhead and along the sides of a trellis. A podium was set up at the head of the stage, where Trey Vincent stood with a priest and a rabbi. Why a priest and a rabbi? We need some sort of joke, don’t we?
“What’s wrong?” Vincent asked the priest.
“I’m a little upset with the rabbi here. We bought a car together and we’re storing it in my garage. Yesterday, the rabbi came over to use the car and saw me sprinkling water on it.”
“So I asked what he was doing,” the rabbi said, sounding annoyed.
“And I told him that I was blessing the car.”
“And since he was doing that...”
“The rabbi took out a hacksaw and cut two inches off the tail pipe!”
“OK,” Vincent said, sounding annoyed. “No choppy choppy here. Rabbi, you’re out. And I’m not Jewish, and neither is Carolina. See ya.”
The rabbi cursed at Trey in Yiddish as he left.
“But you’re a practicing Catholic, right?” the priest asked.
“If by practicing, you mean drinking heavily and having a lot of sex, then yes.”
“We are the Catholic Church!”
*High-five*
And that’s when the “Wedding March” hit. Vincent and the priest turned toward the entrance. Carolina Young stepped out, dressed in a beautiful red leather wedding gown. Vincent’s jaw almost hit the floor when he saw that. Reed walked out his daughter, even though he was mighty, mighty confused about the entire event happening here tonight.
Something just didn’t make any kind of sense.
The crowd was right there with Reed Young for once.
“Dearly beloved,” the priest recited after Vincent and his fiancee stood arm in arm and the father stood beside his little girl. “We are gathered here today to marry this man and this woman. If there is anybody here today who has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now, or forever hold your peace.”
Vincent and Carolina looked back toward the entrance.
Nothing.
They turned back.
“Earth Angel” hit the speakers.
“D’OH!” was Vincent’s loud reaction.
“Maybe we should HURRY!” Carolina said.
“Don’t worry. It’s under control. Don’t blow this.”
“Blow what?” Reed asked.
“Nothing, Dad,” Vincent said as he and his bride-to-be turned and watched Kurt Angel step out and walk toward the wedding.
Angel had a microphone.
“Holy Jesus on the can after eating a bad batch of Mexican jumping beans! Mr. Young, sir, I hate to interrupt, but I think that on behalf of the entire wrestling world, you should know that this is not your daughter!”
Young just stared blankly at Angel.
“As a matter of fact, this entire scheme was cooked up by Vincent because he wants to become a part owner of this great federation. And it might go even further than that, possibly with a will and a murder plot to take ALL your money.”
Young continued to stare blankly at Angel. “So, you’re saying....”
“That footage he showed earlier tonight was doctored. He wasn’t even HERE for the first Pressure Point.”
“Angel, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull here—” Vincent started, but was cut off.
“Is this your master plan, Vincent? To FIRE me? Or is it all about the money and the power of owning and running a federation? Huh? C’mon, buster, come clean. Think about it! He wants to marry into the Young family, which he recently realized is impossible since you don’t have a daughter!”
“Then WHO is SHE?” Young said, trying to defend his little girl.
“An ACTRESS!”
“Really? I thought she was my daughter.”
“No! She’s pretending to be your daughter.”
“She could have fooled me,” Young said.
“Don’t you find it odd that both you and Vincent haven’t aged a day since she was born? And now she has aged 18 years in, like, two hours?”
“Are you saying we’re vampires?” Reed asked, getting a decent laugh from the crowd.
“No, I’m saying that you and Vincent filmed this whole thing in the last week, most likely after Vincent drugged you or got you drunk.”
“Angel, buddy,” Vincent said, trying to maintain his calm. “Listen. I have a birth certificate and a driver’s license that proves what her name is.”
“Does it say Carolina Young on it?” Angel asked.
“NEVER MIND THAT! Reed, who do you believe, me or Angel?” Vincent asked.
“Action is CLOSED!”
He started to walk away.
Came back.
“I’ve changed my mind! Trey! Is she my daughter or did we get drunk and did you take advantage of me in a NON-SEXUAL GUY WAY?”
“Not in the last week, no.”
“Then she is my daughter?”
“Only YOU can answer that, Reed,” Vincent said.
“Daddy,” Carolina said.
“Buffalo...I mean, Carolina,” Young said.
Slowly, Carolina walked up to him and grabbed both of his hands. “I love you. Angel is evil. I’m getting married.”
“Wait a second. Death.”
“Death?” Carolina asked.
“Death is a thing that is really, really long. Unless you’re in a fictional world, then you can come back from it. And if you can come back from death, then you’re in a fictional world. Sean Cylear came back from the dead and won the Action! Title! Which means, Trey Vincent is a liar!”
Vincent and Carolina looked at each other and shrugged.
“I’m shutting down....this WEDDING! And Trey! TREY VINCENT! You are going to WISH you never tried to make the BIGGEST.... MOST CONFUSING....CONTROVERSY.....EVER! IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!”
Reed Young pushed the actress away, and Vincent was able to catch her. Angel smiled like a goof as he stared at Vincent, who was quite frustrated at having his scheme revealed.
“Angel. You’ve asked for it. You’ve cost me millions of dollars, boatloads of power and possibly lots of sex from Carolina here. There’s only one last route I can go to prove how much of a liar you are and how much you have just torn this family apart. DNA test!”
“Oh, give it up, Vincent,” Angel said. “She’s some porn star you met, right? And I heard you talking to John Rocker about wanting to get a lot of power quickly. This was your genius idea, huh? Well, that’s why I’m here. To help the helpless. And Reed is just about as helpless as they come. The guy would have had to fathered this girl when he was six for freak’s sake!”
“It’s...possible,” Vincent said. “God, man, don’t you know what soap opera logic is? This happens on TV shows all the time! Why must you bring reality into the equation! This is a television show, not reality!”
Angel paused and put a hand to his jaw before answering. “Screw entertainment, and screw YOU, Trey.”
Vincent charged at Angel, who responded with a jumping kick to Vincent’s face. But Vincent stayed on his feet and punched Angel many times quickly in the face with lefts and rights. Vincent backed up a bit and charged!
SPEAR OFF THE STAGE!
CRUNCH!
And through a TABLE on the FLOOR!
Good gawd! As Vincent and Angel both grabbed at aching body parts, it signaled that the train wreck of a segment was over and it was time to move along.
NEXT CHAPTER:
Angels and Devils >>
©2003 John Leary |
