Sharc vs. Wippit Guud
TV Championship Match

Countdown To Insanity
Dec. 21, 2002

The camera switched to a shot in the arena parking garage. At the far end, the entrance ramp led up to street level, and all the parking spaces were filled with cars. After a moment, an ambulance pulled off the road onto the ramp, and slowly started driving down the lane.

Brown: Here comes the ambulance for our next match, an ambulance match for the TV Title.

Nerdstrom: Who thought up this dumb match idea, anyways?

Brown: Wippit

Nerdstrom: Figures.

Brown: Anyways, this is basically just a Falls Count Anywhere match, but it starts at the ambulance.

The camera panned around as the ambulance passed by, but then stopped, mere inches from a lone man.

Sharc.

Nerdstrom: That guy almost hit Sharc!

Brown: Well, why is he standing in the middle of the road?

But he wasn't. Sharc dropped the TV Title belt - the belt he stole from Wippit - on the concrete and walked over to the driver's side door. Wrenching it open, he balled up a fist and began pummeling the driver!

Nerdstrom: That's Wippit in there!

After five hard punches, he was pulled from the drivers seat and thrown up against the side of the emergency vehicle. Now that's he was out of the car, you could tell that wasn't Wippit, but Sharc didn't seem to notice as he started laying fists into the poor driver's midsection.

Nerdstrom: OK, maybe it wasn't Wippit in there.

The driver doubled over in pain, and then Sharc brought a knee up to the man's chin, and a small crack was heard. he pulled back for a big uppercut, when the sound of a clearing throat floated to him.

Wippit had just come into the garage, accompanied by a referee.

Wippit: Ummm, Sharc? Why are beating that guy up?

Brown: Cause he's a raving lunatic!

Nerdstrom: Finally! You admit Wippit is a lunatic.

Brown: No, not Wip, Sharc!

Sharc left the man, who fell to the floor, and walked towards Wippit. The referee went to the fallen man to help him, and so didn't see Sharc suddenly uppercut Wippit in the jaw. Wip was knocked back a few feet, a look of shock in his eyes.

Sharc's eyes, however, looked dead.

Brown: I don't think Wippit realizes what he got himself into.

Sharc followed up with a kick to Wippit's gut, doubling him over. He then hooked Wippit in a headlock, and DDTed him to the concrete.

Nerdstrom: Well, that was a quick match.

Sharc sat up, but just sat there, staring off into space. The referee finally returned, to see Wippit face down on the floor, and Sharc just sitting there. The ref went to check on Wippit's condition, when Sharc got to his feet and shoved him aside.

Brown: Sharc with a hard kick to Wippit's ribs, but the champion didn't move, I think he's been knocked out.

Sharc bent down and picked Wippit's head off the ground by his hair. A bloody bruise on his forehead marked where he hit the floor, and his eyes were rolled back into his head. Sharc let his head fall down, and walked over the ambulance.

Nerdstrom: Come on, Sharc, he's out! Pin him and get your title back.

Brown: I think Sharc has other plans for Wippit.

Sharc opened the back of the ambulance, and pulled the crowbar off the inside of the door. He walked back to Wippit who was still lying on the ground. Sharc stares at the ref, who backed off a few steps in fear.

Sharc looked down at Wippit

Brown: This will kill him!

Nerdstrom: Good.

Sharc raised the crowbar, and brought it down onto Wippit's head.

Which had suddenly moved as he rolled away. The ringing of solid steel against rock echoed through the garage, as Wippit spun 180 on the floor, sweeping out Sharc's legs. Sharc fell on his back and the crowbar clattered away.

Brown: Wippit's OK!

Nerdstrom: Dammit.

Wippit: Not gonna be that easy, Shark-boy.

Wippit kick-sprung to his feet, the bloody welt on his forehead clearly visible. Sharc simply sat back up, just in time to receive a dropkick to his face.

Brown: Wippit got up really quick after that, and now he's kicking Sharc in the ribs!

Three hard kicks to Sharc's midsection, but Sharc grabbed Wippit's leg on the fourth and pulled to the floor. Wippit rolled away and got to his feet, and Sharc simply stood up. They looked at each other for a second, that moment seeming to stretch into eternity.

And then they charged

Nerdstrom: And here they go!

Sharc punched, Wippit punched, Sharc punched, Wippit punched. The two competitors exchanged right hands repeatedly, but then Wippit began to get the advantage, backing Sharc up with 3 hard rights. He grabbed Sharc and tried to whip him into the hood of a nearby Grand Am, but Sharc reversed, and Wip was sent towards the 1 ton object.

Brown: Wippit with a handspring! He just flipped over the hood and landed on the roof!

Nerdstrom: And dented it in pretty good. The owner should sue.

Wippit took a moment to regain his balance on the roof, as Sharc jumped onto the hood. Seeing Sharc out of the corner of his eye, Wippit jumped to the cargo area of the pickup truck next to the Grand Am. He searched around for something as Sharc hopped onto the car's roof.

Nerdstrom: Sharc's about to jump!

Sharc hopped across the gap, just as Wippit picked up a spare tire and threw it like a medicine ball. The fans watching on the InsaneTron gasped at the impact, as Sharc hit the ground hard, and the tire landed on top of him.

Brown: And Wippit's gets some revenge for that opening DDT!

Wippit hopped down to the ground and snickered.

Wippit: Sharc, man, you gotta lose that spare tire around your waist...

Wippit rolled the tire off and pulled a stunned Sharc to his feet. Scissoring his legs around Sharc's head, he pulled him up for a piledriver!

Brown: My God! Now it's Wippit's turn to kill someone.

Nerdstrom: YES! Sharc with a reversal!

Sharc got back down to his feet and lifted Wippit with a back body drop, flipping him onto the damaged roof of the Grand Am. the challenger stared off into space as Wippit groaned, and then he turns and dropped an elbow across Wippit's throat. Wippit grabbed his throat in pain, rolled of the roof onto the hood, and then rolled off the hood onto the floor.

Brown: Sharc looks unhurt from that hit with the tire, but he's moving a little slower now.

Sharc reached down and picked Wippit up by the hair. he pulled the cruiserweight the four steps over to the ambulance, and slammed his head into its side, and Wippit went to the floor again. Then Sharc dragged Wippit over, and laid his head in the doorframe of the still-open driver's side door.

Brown: He wouldn't!

Nerdstomr: He would.

Brown: He couldn't!

Nerdstrom: He could.

Sharc straddled Wippit's fallen form, and took hold of the open door.

Brown: HE ISN'T!!!

Nerdstrom: Yes... he is.

With a small grunt, Sharc pulled the door shut with all his strength.

WHAM!!!

But Wippit moved at the last second, so just a tuft of hair was caught in the door. Out of desperation, Wippit kicked up, hitting Sharc with a hard low-blow.

Brown: That was waaaay too close for comfort!

Wip pulled free from the door, while Sharc stood bent over if serious pain. Wippit got to his feet, and laid a hand on Sharc's head.

Wippit: You ok, Sharc? You look like you got a case of black and blue balls.

The fans laughed at the joke, and Wippit grabbed a handful of Sharc's hair.

Wippit: Here, this'll help you forget the pain.

SMASH!!!

Brown: Oh my God! Wippit just drove Sharc head through the door window!

Sharc fell backwards onto the cement, his head now 'busted wide open.' Wippit fell down on top of him.

ONE!!!

TWO!!!

THRENOOO! Sharc got a shoulder barely up in time.

Wippit rolled over and got to his feet, and looked down at Sharc.

Wippit: Whoa... you look hurt. Let's get you to a hospital.

Nerdstrom: What?

Wippit helped Sharc to his feet, who was in no condition to resist, and led him to the back doors of the ambulance.

Wippit: Anesthetic!

WHAM! Wippit slammed Sharc head into the door, and Sharc fell to the ground. He then opened the doors and pulled out the gurney.

Wippit: Don't worry, Sharc, we'll get you better.

Nerdstrom: Hey! Since when does Wippit get to do his own commentary?

Brown: Afraid you might lose your job, Vinny?

Nerdstrom: Hell no! He sucks!

With the gurney set up, Wippit picked Sharc up and body slammed him to the medical bed. Getting at his feet, Wippit got up a head of steam and shoved Sharc and the gurney into the back, and slammed the door.

Wippit: Mr referee, if you would please pick up the belt and get in the ambulance, we have to take a short trip.

Nerdstrom: He's kidnapping Sharc!

Wippit and the referee got into the ambulance, which promptly started, and drove off.

The screen changed to a live shot of Vinny Nerdstrom and Mike Brown.

Brown: Well, I don't know what to say here. Wippit just drove off with the match.

Nerdstrom: This isn't fair. Just because he thinks Sharc stole his title is no reason to steal Sharc.

Brown: Sharc DID steal Wippit's title.

Nerdstrom: Wippit stole it from him in the first place, there's no way he should've won that match.

Suddenly, a loud siren was heard on the main stage. As the fans began cheering, the ambulance drove through the backstage curtain and onto the elevated steel platform. With the red and white lights flashing, Wippit stepped out of the van with a huge ovation.

Brown: Well, now we know where he was going.

After soaking the crowd for a few seconds, Wippit made his way to the back doors and opened them.

WHAM!

Brown: Sharc just clocked Wippit with a fire extinguisher!

Nerdstrom: About time someone used those things right. I hate people who turn them on.

Wippit sat on the steel holding his head, which had started to bleed again. Sharc stepped out of the back, and hit Wippit again with the red steel canister.

WHAM!

Nerdstrom: Sharc's in control now, where he should be.

He tossed the extinguisher away, and pulled Wippit up by his hair. Now that the wrestlers were in the arena, you couldn't hear them, but Sharc started to badmouth Wippit. Then he gave him a kneelift, and shoved him headfirst into the ambulance.

Brown: What's Sharc up to? He just closed the rear doors on Wippit.

Sharc walked to the driver's side and reached through the broken window, and pulled down on the transmission. Then he walked around to the back, and started pushing.

Brown: No way!

Nerdstrom: Oh sweet!

The fans began to scream in horror as the ambulance inched it's way towards the edge of the stage.

Brown: That's a 15 ft drop!

With one last shove, the ambulance rolled over the edge, and nose-dove into the arena floor 15 ft down. The hood caved in, and all the windows broke out. The fans began to chant "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

Nerdstrom: Well... that takes care of Wippit.

Brown: That's insane! He may have just killed the TV champion!

Sharc stared off into space for a moment, and then shook it off and climbed down to the arena floor. Nearby was a table set up with coffee and supplies for the pyro technicians, and he cleared it off with one sweep of his arm. With the table now clean, he pulled it over to the ambulance.

Brown: Someone get security down here, Sharc has gone too far!

A cheer rippled through the fans as Wippit began crawling through the broken windshield, and the diminutive wrestler was now cut in several places, and his face was caked in blood. He pulled himself free of the wreckage, only to be greeted by the boot of Sharc to his forehead.

Nerdstrom: Hey Mike, Wippit's still alive. You can call off security now.

Brown: Well, he won't be alive for long if this keeps up.

Nerdstrom: Which, I'm sure, is what Sharc is planning.

Sharc dragged Wippit over to the table, and stuck Wip's head between his legs.

Nerdstrom: And a powerbomb is a good way to do that.

With a small grunt, Sharc pulled Wippit up onto his shoulders. Wip's eyes grew wide as he realized what was about to happen, and the cruiserweight suddenly twisted his body and spun around Sharc's head. He slid down Sharc's back, hooking his head at the same time, and pulled him down with an inverted DDT to the pavement.

Brown: What a reversal by Wippit! And Sharc looks knocked out!

Nerdstrom: That damn Wippit, he'll ruin the ratings!

Brown: What ratings? We're on Pay-Per-View!

Wippit slowly got to his feet, and got his bearings. Sharc was laid out on the cement about 10 feet from the ambulance, five feet from the table.

Wippit looked at the table

Then looked at Sharc.

Then looked up at the ambulance.

Nerdstrom: What the hell is that little freak thinking?

Brown: I have no idea....

Wippit moved to the table and dragged it across the floor, setting the legs on either side of Sharc so that he lay under it. Then he limped over to the main stage, and began climbing up. The fans began to go crazy, guessing at what Wippit was about to do.

Brown: Wippit's on the stage!

Wippit began to climb again...

Brown: Wippit's on the ambulance!

He balanced precariously on the back door of the ambulance that now stuck nearly vertical leaning against the stage. He gained his footing, and looked out over the crowd...

WIPPIT! WIPPIT!

Raising an arm in the air, Wippit turned to face away from Sharc.

Brown: He's not...

Wippit jumped backwards....

Flip, twist, twist..

Flip, twist, twist...

SMAAAAAAAASH!!!!

Brown: HOLY SHIT! Wippit just jumped from 20 feet, put himself through a table, and through Sharc! Both men are out!

Nerdstrom: Ok... NOW do you people see he's crazy?!?

The fans started an extremely loud "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" as the referee walked into the carnage. Wippit was out. Sharc was out. He had little choice but to do the obvious.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Brown: Wippit may have ended this match outright.

FOUR!

Nerdstrom: Well, if it's a draw, Sharc keeps the belt.

FIVE!

Brown: It's not Sharc's belt.

SIX!

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

Sharc sat up.

Nerdstrom: Sharc is up first! Sharc broke the count!

Sharc literally crawled all the way down the aisle on hands and knees. Wippit finally began stirring. Sharc meanwhile, climbed under the ring. Wippit got up and began walking back up the aisle, using the guardrail to balance himself. More tables came flying out from under the ring.

Brown: How many tables are under there?

Nerdstrom: Sharc's gonna use them all. Count 'em up Brown! Looks like seven so far.

Brown: I think Sharc's countdown to insanity is over. He's just plain insane.

With nine tables, Sharc crawled back out to the floor.

With a ladder!

The crowd popped at that sight as Sharc slid the 15 footer into the ring. He set it up in a corner near the turnbuckles and then slowly slid to the floor and began sliding in the tables.

Sharc put three tables in a row in front of the table, then looked at the other tables.

Nerdstrom: Use them too!

Brown: Wippit is back at ringside. And Sharc just spotted him.

He picked up a table and threw it at Wippit! The table didn't break, but it thudded off of Wippit's skull, though he did manage to block a bit of the blast with his hands.

Sharc set up that table, bridging the ring and the guardrail, and looked back up at the ladder. After tossing Wippit on it, he headed back up and climbed to the top. But suddenly, Wip was not on the table.

He was climbing up the other side of the ladder! Both men stood near the top of the 15 foot ladder in the corner of the ring, exchanging punches. The bloody warriors drenched in sweat and bruised and sore from the extremity of the match, had to be going on fumes at this point.

Brown: I don't have a good feeling about this.

Nerdstrom: I DO! Wippit's about to go for a ride to hell!

The punches seemed to just keep coming from both men before Wippit collapsed, exhausted from blood loss and the brutality, and fell face first against the top rung. Sharc grabbed Wippit as if for a superplex!

Brown: OH NO!

Nerdstrom: The irony in all this is that neither of these guys will be able to get to the hospital because they destroyed the ambulance.

Brown: That's not ironic!

Nerdstrom: Sure it is. It's like a black fly in your Chardonnay. Or Bret Hart having a heart attack, since his music was called "Hart Attack."

Brown: He had a stoke, you idiot.

Nerdstrom: Well, you get my point!

Wippit was in position for either a superplex or a modified Blood in the Water.

Brown: A brainbuster from up that high could paralyze Wippit!

Nerdstrom: You think Sharc cares? He tried to destroy his knee. A knee, a neck...as long as he destroy him...

But somehow, Wippit found the strength to block it. Sharc had been in pause, either from fatigue or a lack of concentration he'd been showing throughout the match. With the entire arena on their feet, waiting to see who would take a nasty fall, somehow, Wippit broke free.

Wippit jumped Sharc.

SMASH SMASH! SMASH!

Brown: WIPPIT JUST SUNSET FLIPPED SHARC THROUGH TWO TABLES!

Nerdstrom: Oh no!

Brown: Wippit turned a sunset flip into a POWERBOMB from the top of a 15 foot ladder! But in the process, he went through one of those three tables that had been set up!

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" the crowd chanted, as others clapped and cheered for the insanity that was this TV Title match.

In addition to smashing butt-first through the table, Wippit's skull cracked into the ladder on the way down, and he grabbed at his head with his right hand. And the shooting pain in his left hip was also evident, as he grabbed that part of his body with his left arm.

Sharc wasn't grabbing anything. Or moving. He lay flat on his back between the other two destroyed tables.

Wippit grabbed at the table he was stuck between, trying to pull himself up, but instead only found himself holding a piece of table. With one last bit of strength, he pushed himself up and flopped down onto Sharc.

The referee tried to find a spot to count and decided to just stand and count on a piece of table.

"ONE!"

"TWO!!!"

"THREE!!!!"

The crowd roared in excitement.

Too bad they were wrong.

The referee only signaled two!!

Sharc got a shoulder up!!

Nerdstrom: YEEEEEEEEES!

Brown: THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE! How did Sharc get out of that?

Neither man was moving now though. Wippit laid another arm across Sharc.

ONE!

TWO!!!

THRENO!

It still wasn't working.

Nerdstrom: Sharc may be unable to defend himself, but he isn't gonna let Wippit pin him.

Brown: He should be used to it by now! Wippit is undefeated against Sharc!

Nerdstrom: Yet he doesn't have the TV Title. Makes ya wonder, don't it?

Wippit pushed himself up and from his knees began shoving broken wood away. Clearing a pathway. He then grabbed Sharc by the boots and began dragging him toward the ropes.

Brown: He's going for the last table!

Nerdstrom: No way. Sharc won't let that happen!

After several seconds of pulling, Sharc was laid out on the table. Wippit slid back inside and stared up at the ladder as the fans again rose. There was only one thing left to do.

Nerdstrom: He's gonna move! He's got to!

Brown: Sharc is motionless on the table. Wippit is literally dragging himself up to the top. Don't do it Wip, for God's sake!

Wippit hit the top step.

And closed his eyes.

And dove one last time.

CRUNCH!

Brown: SCHITZOPLEX! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!

Nerdstrom: THIS PIN CAN'T COUNT! HIS SHOULDERS ARE STILL ON THE TABLE!

During the fall, Wippit had landed on Sharc, and was still on top of him.

The referee got down on the mats and began the count!

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

The bell rang!

It was over!!

Wippit had defeated Sharc!

"The winner of the match, and STILL, PIW TV Champion, Wippit, GUUD!" Mike Hunt announced to a deafening pop from the crowd.

Brown: Despite the brutal assault, despite the theft of his TV Title, tonight Wippit Guud had proved to the world that he should be the TV Champion. I don't think you're gonna see a more insane match than that on TV.

Nerdstrom: The only thing he proved was he's very, very lucky. Yeah, it was a great match, but Sharc is not dead yet. And Wippit better watch out.

NEXT CHAPTER: Sharc in BRAND Wrestling >>

©2002 John Leary