Have You Seen A Sexy Bitch?

PIW Massacre
July 13, 2002

A security guard stood at the entrance where the PIW superstars arrive.

THUD!

It sounded as though a large rock had been thrown against the outside of the door. The guard, a well-built man in his late 30s, wearing a PIW T-shirt, black jeans and steel-toe boots, pulled the locked door open and saw a pale face, surrounded by black. Despite the summer night, Sharc had on a floor-length black coat. And his hair was flowing into his face. He stared up at the guard, his head bent down as if he were an animal about to strike.

"You're late," the security guard said.

"Had to make a stop. I checked in earlier. I got the OK to leave."

"Come in then," the guard said, looking suspiciously at the way Sharc was holding his coat closed. "What are you hiding?"

Sharc paused and then looked side to side nervously. "Nothing."

The security guard put his hands on his hips. "Don't make this get ugly."

"Fine," Sharc said with a sigh.

Sharc opened up his jacket. Something was, dangling between Sharc's legs. Instinctively, the man looked away, thinking he was about to.... well, see something fleshy there. Instead, he saw it was a piece of wood. It appeared to be hanging there, hung up in Sharc's jacket somehow.

"A little help?"

As Sharc turned around, it became clear that the board was not just a board. The reason the board had stayed up was because it had steel teeth. Of the barbed wire kind. Sharc was able to pull down his jacket to a degree, but the razor-sharp wire had shredded part of his upper back. The security guard helped tear the teeth from his flesh, ripping flesh and opening a few gashes in the process.

"Oh my," the guard said simply.

"My favorite weapon...for my new favorite enemy. Where's that 'sexy bitch' ?"

"Leppy?"

"Yea," he said sliding his arms back into his jacket sleeves.

"I saw him earlier."

"If you see him, you tell me."

"OK, sure. But why'd you try to smuggle a barbed wire board in here? This IS PIW after all."

Sharc looked up at the ceiling, perhaps in frustration at the guard's helpfulness, or perhaps realizing he had gone to a lot of trouble for nothing. Without waying a word, Sharc went deeper into the building. He put the barbed wire board over his shoulder casually, letting the thick spool of barbed wire rest against his collar bone.

"It's all legal as long as it's on TV and nobody dies," Sharc reminded himself. "All just an angle," he said with a smile.

He passed by a few technicians and other staffers. He wasn't sure who most of the people were and really didn't care. Some glanced at him as he passed with his weapon, but it didn't faze many. As the security guard said, this is PIW. It's all legal....all just good TV...wholesome family entertainment....a Disney cartoon come to life.

Then Sharc spotted a woman with a headset and a clipboard taking an illegal indoor cigarette break. Sharc slowly walked up to her.

"Have you seen that sexy bitch?"

The woman raised her eyebrows to his question.

"For the last week, people have rained their mockery down on me because of some sexy bitch. That sexy bitch that booted on me."

"Oh, Leprechaun?"

"Yea."

"I saw him go in the locker room three doors down on the left," she said pointing to one of the closed doors further down the hallway.

"But.... that’s MY locker room," Sharc said, perplexed.

She shrugged and inhaled from her cigarette.

Sharc power-walked straight to the door and shoved it open. His search was at an end. He found the man who vomited on him on the first show in his first night with the company. Sharc saw Leprechaun and tossed aside the barbed wire board.

"My fists are aching for you," Sharc said.

Leprechaun sat there on the wooden bench attached to the wall. To his right was a couple of Guinness in an icebox. There was a look of nervousness on his face, he didn’t seem to know what to expect from the man before him whom was a giant in comparison.

"What about ya?" he muttered

Sharc just stood there motionless, a steel look fixed on the small man that seemed to pass right through him like an x-ray. Conan sat there nervously. PIW was the best thing that had happened to him since that day he walked into a burger bar wearing a pink bra and crotchless panties. Since then things had gone drastically downhill, capitalized by his split with "BIG" Little Italy. He wanted a fresh start with PIW, but things weren’t going according to plan.

"I’m sorry about last week…I had a wee bit to drink…actually I was plastered," he said. He thought he could see something in Sharc's eyes…the dim vision of him being on the end of a beat down. He prayed he was wrong.

"Ere ya go, have one of these." He stood up and stepped towards him motioning for Sharc to take the can he had in his outstretched hand. Sharc's arm was outstretched as he tried to take what had been offered. That was when it all went wrong. Conan tripped on what could only have been a microscopic dust molecule. There was nothing there to trip on, but gravity took control and did the rest.

Sharc stared down at his gray wrestling pants, which appeared as if.... well...Sharc lost control of his bladder.

"I know all about people like you," Sharc said, surprisingly calm as he took a seat on a steel-folding chair. He scratched the top of his head and stared at Leprechaun. "People like you are used to getting beaten up...so it really wouldn't teach you a lesson."

"People like me?" Leprechaun asked.

"Yes, people like you. After all, it's second nature for people with your lifestyle. But people with your lifestyle don't belong in this business."

"Life-" Leprechaun started to say, but Sharc ignored him.

"People like you get diseases and die if you keep doing what you do. People like you...are sinners. You dance with the devil and make everyone sick with your sinful ways."

Sharc stood up and looked down at the man with the beer.

"I am going to make it my business to show everyone how dirty and disgusting you are. You are a despicable human being and will no doubt go to Hell for eternity for your sins. So as long as it takes to make you get back on the right team...I will not tire to bring you a taste of Hell. There is only one right way. To follow the Lord. And I'm the Lord of this world as far as you're concerned. And the Lord says you better be gone when I come back...or I will lay my vengeance upon you...you little bitch."

Sharc turned around and calmly left his lockerroom, leaving Leprechaun alone.

"Does he think I'm.... gay?" Conan paused, as if deep in thought. "WELL A'M NOT!" he shouted at the door.

And then he repeated the denial a second time, but much quieter, more to himself than anyone.

"I'm not. Feckin Eejit."

NEXT CHAPTER: Sharc vs. The Joker >>

©2002 John Leary