Sharc

Sarah The Jobber Slayer

Death

Cuatro Equis

The Cuatro Equis Explode!

Previously, in Cuatro Equis Promos: Futurequis got "nostalgic" for Barb L. Fish, Dos Equis' girlfriend. And fucked her. And now...the thrilling conclusion...

XX (Voice): Was he...was I...better than...ME?

Barb's head is in her hands. She's wearing only a pink luchador mask and a towel as the camera enters the room behind Futurequis. Dos Equis, standing over her beside the bed, is wearing his usual green, gold and black outfit, while Futurequis is in his "Terminator" mask, a black T-shirt and black jeans.

FUTUREQUIS: What's going on in here?

XX: (To Barb) Don't play innocent. I know you cheated on me. With ME!

FUTUREQUIS: Ohhh. Right. Look, Dos, we've got a big tag match potentially coming up in NYC. Do we really need to do this now?

XX: Yes! When else am I going to be this angry?

FUTUREQUIS: So what are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna cry like a little b!tch? Wonder why God hates you so much?

XX: I was mainly thinking about getting drunk, but that could work too.

FUTUREQUIS: Who are you mad at? Her. Or me?

XX: Both of you! And whoever sent you back in time! Say, how did you come back in time again?

FUTUREQUIS: Huh? Why does that matter?

XX: Just wondering if I could send you back to the future. There's thunderstorms in the forecast. Maybe you could drive really fast into a telephone pole. Don't forget to hit ochenta y ocho.

FUTUREQUIS: Wow, that's cold. I like it.

XX: So, if I got a tattoo on my chest that said Futurequis Is A B!tch, would that suddenly appear on your chest?

FUTUREQUIS: Uhhh. Oh! No. Because, different timeline. I'm the version of you based on the reality of you based on whenever I came back in time. Now, you're totally altered, as is your future. OUR future. Our future.

BLF: I'm sorry, Dos. It's just...

Barb gets off the bed and walks over to Futurequis. She wraps her arms around his waist.

BLF: He's so dangerous.

XX: I'm NOT dangerous? Have you SEEN me wrestle? What do you need me to do? Cunnilingus you through a table? Doggy style on top of a barbed wire ladder? A David Carradine noose job? Que?

BLF: While that all sounds good...it's not the things we do. It's...you. You're just not man enough for me. I mean, you're a nice enough guy and all, but...you're more like a brother.

XX: *Sniff* Well, I hope you've enjoyed the incest the last few months. Puta.

Dos Equis bolts toward the wall and unloads with a right-handed punch. The wall no-sells it.

FUTUREQUIS: Is the wall fucking Barb, too?

Dos gets in Futurequis' face, eyes wide with anger.

XX: FUCK...(he pokes Futurequis with his index finger) ME!?

FUTUREQUIS: Fuck me? (he flips off Dos) Fuck you!

Futurequis grabs Dos Equis by the hair and slams his face into the wall.

FUTUREQUIS: Headbutt! Oh, the wall REALLY felt that one!

Futurequis picks up a dazed Dos Equis from behind and tosses him face-first into the wall.

FUTUREQUIS: By god, the crossbody block didn't take down the wall. The wall is unstoppable.

Futurequis grabs Dos by the mask. SLAM!

SLAM!

FUTUREQUIS: Oh look! The wall is busted wide open! Oh wait, that's you, Dos!

Futurequis begins painting the wall red with Dos Equis blood, using Dos' masked face as the brush.

FUTUREQUIS: C'mon! Where's all your luchador sh!t? Beersteiner that wall! Oh, I know.

Futurequis pulls up the wheezing Dos Equis and flips him heels over head into the wall, so Dos Equis lands back first in a non-voluntary 180, and then collapses down on his own head. Dos Equis is audibly weeping now.

FUTUREQUIS: CARBOMB! THIS ONE IS ALL OVER!

BLF: Hey! That's enough!

FUTUREQUIS: No. It really isn't. Listen to that b!tch cry. He's lost his girl. And he just got his ass kicked by a wall. How are you EVER going to be a champion in NFW, Dos? Huh?

Futurequis takes a seat against the wall.

FUTUREQUIS: I came here to win some gold. And instead of title belts, all I get is you urinating all over yourself and the floor. This isn't at all what I had in mind.

Futurequis grabs the crying Dos and pulls him up so Dos is in a seated position to Futurequis' left. Futurequis snakes his left arm around Dos' neck in a sarcastic attempt at comforting him. Barb re-enters the picture, kneeling near what has become a time traveling love triangle from hell. She's now wearing a robe and is also visibly crying at what's going on.

FUTUREQUIS: Embrace the pain.

BLF: What the hell is WRONG WITH YOU!

FUTUREQUIS: The fuck did you just say to me?

BLF: You have NO right to do this to another human being. You're sick!

Now, Barb rips Dos Equis away from Futurequis' grasp and protectively wraps her arms around him.

FUTUREQUIS: Why do you try to hurt me? Don't you trust...us? It's all about winning the titles. Do you honestly think the Hollywood Wrecking Crew or any other tag team NFW throws at us could hold a candle to us once I toughen up that drunk? You have to lose everything before you can gain anything, Barb. Dos is almost there. Just give me a little more time. He's still got a little something left to lose.

BLF: What? What the hell else can you take away from him? You've taken me. You've taken his fun, his happiness. What ELSE can you steal from him?

Futurequis pushes himself up using the bloody wall. He looks down upon the two crying human beings, his works of art. Futurequis' blood-stained Terminator mask provides an eerily wicked robotic smile, but he says nothing for a good 30 seconds, as he just soaks in the beauty of the emotional horror both were suffering at his hands.

FUTUREQUIS: His soul.

XXXX

NEXT CHAPTER: The Cuatro Equis Explode! >>